this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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the_dunk_tank
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The only thing men should carry is a 5 inch pocket knife, a Bad Motherfucker Wallet, a huge keychain with a bottle opener and multitool and unapproved Tritium illunimated vial, and a powerful metal flashlight, and a solid metal pen with a gimmick way of opening it, and a little notebook that says "Field Notes" on the cover, and the cover is the same color as the scales on the pocket knife. and a polymer frame Subcompact pistol, and $300 Seiko watch, and a zippo lighter, and a little metal fidget toy or lucid dreaming token, and a leatherman, and a small canvas pouch, and a Sony Xperia I V, and a super old, kind of shitty, really skinny pocket knife, and a titanium ridgewallet, and a Casio calculator watch.
You're gonna get pretty thirsty carrying all that around. Better bring a Camelback™️
A bottle opener? Fucking weak. Nothing more Fem-coded than using an actual bottle opener to open a bottle. Real men use a cigarette lighter or just the calluses on their hands.
Real men use their bottom teeth to bend the cap open.
and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
You forgot a set of professional lock picks and a set of sunglasses that have the mirrored parts so that you can see behind you without having to turn all the way around.