I'm with you. To me, my femininity is very visual. I don't have a sense that I'm feminine "deep down inside." So I spend the week living as a guy, and I look in the mirror and say, "oh, that's me. That's fine I guess I'm a guy" as my facial hair grows out. Then, when I get some space to actually shave, let my hair down, and dress the way I like, I look in the mirror and I'm like "holy shit how did I think I was a guy for a whole week?"

I went out with work friends this weekend while presenting femme. I was originally going under the assumption that I'm a femme guy, but once I spent like an hour in public in femme, having a normal fucking time, I just wanted to come out to them so bad (I didn't. We're not that close).

As far as behavior goes, though? I've killed the gender cop in my head. I used to second guess myself asking things like, "would a girl do that?" Or "is this too masculine?" I don't care anymore. Being trans is about acting the way I want, not trying to fit a mold. Someone here once pointed out that nodding is masculine coded and waving is feminine coded. I tried it out, and I'm not a waver lol. The nodding will continue, idc if it's "masc." There's a dozen other little examples, too.

What behaviors do you have that you and your friends think are so masculine anyway? My wife is cis, but if she were trans, she would have a TON of behaviors that people would clock as masculine.