guess what?
Friday Rice! 
this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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friday rice 
When you are explaining everything thatβs wrong with your body to someone and they give you the non-bdd stare.
^ me
also bought a nice bra today and i'm a B cup now, that's pretty cool 
And then you accidentally hit something and your face changes to 
Behold, my 1000th comment! 
So finally, a decade after cracking my egg and 5 years of HRT, Iβm going to legally change my name and sex. But oh boy is this giving me a headache. Just so much bureaucratic bullshit I have to wade through and navigate.
And on top of that [CW: institutional transphobia]:
This week there was a new court ruling here in Austria that could potentially make this whole process illegal. It was specifically about enbies but in the ruling they included a paragraph about your "biological sex" being the deciding factor. That means that in the worst case it could affect all trans people, including me. So amazing timing for me... like it just had to happen at the exact same day that I started the whole process -.-
My nerves are completely done because of this and fucking RIP my sleeping schedule 
But when this Herculean task is over, Iβm going to enjoy some nice teas that I ordered recently: A really fancy sheng pu-erh from 2007, some tea that is supposedly from the 80s and another one from the 70s, so over 50 years old. 
I also got myself a nice light-blue celadon teacup that I can use together with my pink gaiwan and my white gong dao bei on top of my ebony tea tray. Perfect set-up to celebrate this special occasion.
Sounds like a smart move to get it done as soon as possible before the ruling can take effect. 
I've changed name already, but also put of changing my legal sex because of the bureaucracy issues (It involves sending physical letters in the mail multiple times for some reason and temporarily losing access to your bank account ), but definitely planning on doing it as soon as I can in case reactionaries try to fuck with it.
Why does every country without self-id laws have such ridiculous processes? I mean obviously because itβs supposed to be as a difficult as possible for us but honestly, some things are just bizarre.
Because I have to change my legal sex first and then my name afterwards I will get 2 new health insurance cards and birth certificates back-to-back. One with my new sex and my old name, and then the one with the new name. Almost as stupid as your bank account lock-out. 
I got some great news. Just got a call from the official for an appointment next week. All my documents seem okay now and hopefully nothing should stand in my way of being officially female soon. My nerves can finally rest a bit now.
Also, my tea just arrived (a bit sooner than I expected) and holy damn, that 50 year old stuff is dank as fuck! It smells really old, so I think the age is probably right, and it has this really dark, herbal aroma, which isnβt what youβd expect from a usual baozhong with itβs floral aroma.
Iβm going to force my mom to taste it with me when I visit her next week. Weβre gonna have some fun together. 
Conflicted on whether I want a legal record of changing my sex in terf island or not
Yeah, your system is really strange with the whole un/enrolled deed poll and GRC. In my case itβs pretty obvious what the right answer is because I canβt change my name without changing my legal sex first.
I don't really understand the name change part. Are people not normally allowed to change their names? In the US you can just go do that whenever, for whatever reason. As long as it's not something ridiculous, and you pass a background check, it's just a bit of paperwork and a small fee.
In Austria names are bound to your sex. I could change it to a unisex but not a female one, at least yet. And if I did that, I would also have to pay around 500β¬, so not a small fee.
But when I change my legal sex to female, I can then say that my old name doesnβt fit my sex and thus have a proper reason to change it and with that I have to only pay a minimal fee.
All of this stuff is not based on any laws but court rulings, which is why this process is so convoluted.
Some countries have laws regarding the gender of names, so you can't change your name from a 'male' name to a 'female' name or vice versa. Some names are seen as unisex though so you can freely use those regardless of your gender.
Thesis: wanting boobs
Antithesis: not wanting boobs
Synthesis: wanting only small boobs
If I could limit my boob growth to nice little As that would be great.
Planet fitness lunk alarm is discriminatory toward lunks like myself 
I've no other means to compensate for my inadequate life than through being toxic at the gym
get strong enough to throw the weights at anyone who is complaining about you dropping weights
get strong enough to throw anyone who is complaining about you dropping weights
EVERYTHING is going according to plan! 
Moved out of the hotel I was living in, moved in with Balkan baddie girlfriend. On that hot girl lesbian best friends and roommates type lifestyle. 
The struggle for trans lives is a struggle we can win, we must win, and we will win.
Stay alive β‘
Fuck I need to get a girlfriend
Iβm dating my operating system and itβs going well
name update (this body of text became way more than the name update)
So update from a few months ago (probably more than a few at this point) but I'm still in name purgatory. I have a name that I use now, and a name that I used before that one, both outside of the original deadname. However, I don't really like either of them, and any names I come up with myself can't seem to stick, don't feel like they fit 1/2 the time, or both. So, a solution: have other people come up with names for me! However, this doesn't always work, and more serves as a brainstorming process. My mom already did it, and a lot of the names, if not all of them after reading the books she got them from, didn't fit. My sister has now come up with a list and given it to me. It's a lot smaller, but she's also not at all afraid of showing her bias. There's one name in particular that she really likes for me, and she made that quite obvious. I think I'm going to sit down with her tomorrow and pick one of them to use, at least for a few months (and I'll probably pick another one as well, as a "middle" name but actually more of a second name). If it doesn't stick, rinse and repeat, but I hope something manages to stick eventually. I don't know why I really struggle to identify with names, and it's not exactly something new to transition either. Don't ask me to come up with usernames for myself, I really struggle to and it ends up being something basic (like Luna), or something basic (like AshenWolf), and I could not for the life of me pick something more fitting. It's either just a name that happens to be moon in spanish that ended up being a funny Fire Emblem reference, or AshenWolf, another Fire Emblem reference.
I ended up going on a bit of a tangent, and I'm going to keep going, but I think I have a lot of issues with a static identity. I feel like I'm always changing based on the situation, putting on different masks (not necessarily positive or negative) and becoming different people depending on who might handle the situation best. It's why I'm always changing my pronouns, profile picture, etc. I'm trying something new with using two accounts on here, one with she/her pronouns and one with she/they pronouns and switching based on how I feel or what persona I feel like posting with. I'm going to be honest, things like username, profile picture, even previous history, affect how I post. Luna is a certain persona, and AshenWolf is another, and it's quite weird how sending one thing from one account just feels wrong on the other. I guess that's another reason for changing profile pictures so much, maybe.
Regardless, and because I'm just going to ramble and repeat my points, I'm sure I'll find a name, or even a couple, that will stick. For now though, it feels like the usernames (Luna, AshenWolf + variations like Ash) stick better than names for me, but I also don't know if I could see myself using them as IRL names, and not just for opsec reasons. Okay I'm done now, hopefully you all don't think the accounts talking to you have been frauds, despite a lack of concrete identity and the persona talk I assure you that they're not and they're both genuine parts of me.
If you somehow made it to the end, thanks for reading this wacky vent of a wall of text.
I love my trans comrades 
I hear from a lot of trans people that they struggle with having a stable identity. It probably has to do with not being able to develop one naturally from a young age due to gender restrictions. Anyways I like your insights so thanks for sharing
thinking i might need to 
for a little while, all the news about trump is making me super anxious and im adjusting my anxiety meds rn lol
"Relationships with parents can be difficult, but mine aren't that bad, they tried to make me detransition and almost murdered me, but it could be worse "
this is like half of the trans people I know and it makes me concerned
I think I'm letting go of the idea that I'm going to have a good relationship with my parents someday. I've been starting to feel secure enough in other areas of my life that I think I can face that.
I had assumed I was going to see at least a flash of compassion this week, but it just hasn't been there. That really made me rethink the other assumptions I was making.
I was hanging on to this idea where we were playing a game together, and we all put on a show of keeping up this strained, distant, fake relationship while we took time to heal and grow as people, until one day we would come together and share what we'd learned and build a real relationship. Now I'm realizing I was a fool who was playing that game by themself the whole time. 
Hurts, but I guess I can't really say all that personal growth was a waste.
Bit Idea: Change your name in your school's system on the first day of class.
(It's me, I'm the bit idea)
Ashen Override
Ashen Burn
Is it perhaps a little overly dramatic to be playing the ME2 finale music in my head just for getting dressed to go out to the mailbox? Probably, but fuck it, if it's what it takes to get me outside to pick up my pride pins and sapphic lit then it's what we're doing.
it's a femail box now
fuck yeah 
Came out to another friend and had a great 2 hour conversation catching up. And this morning my partner sent me a very risque selfie and many positive affirmations. I wish for all of my trans comrades to experience this amount of love all the time
Creating a Orc warrior girl. Mainly because I haven't played Orcs much in Skyrim and they have the best racial bonus for survival and combat. But also is going to be good for my Lesbian fantasy when she marries Camilla Valerius and they live in a cute little farm. Problem is I'm stuck at the stage where I look through the names of characters from all UESP games and make a lore appropriate name that suits them.
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Golden Claw retrieved for my beautiful love Camilla. Absolute zero curiosity as to what's further in this deep dark barrow. Turning around right now.
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Just got my ears fixed, and I think it somehow made this album sound worse. The cymbals are so loud
Edit: It could just be my autistic ears adjusting, to be fair. I have struggled picking up high frequencies for a while (again, this happens a lot, I have bad ears).
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the very same government that refuses to recognize me as a woman also recognises Denali as Mt. Cracker and just unilaterally named an entire sea after itself. These guys sound deeply confused
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weight loss
Kicking myself; I would have been at my goal by now if I didnβt completely plateau over the holidays 
the war on christmas is really a war for our freedom (from gaining weight due to treats)
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