Can God create a stack of pizzas so numerous that even he can't lift them?
this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2024
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the_dunk_tank
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Could he grow weed so potent that he couldn't smoke a whole bowl of it?
Can God birth a white man named Jesús from Palestinian parents?
God needs someone to [...] fight the Marxists, and then have supper
image is Trump eating dinner with Xi Jinping
And on June 14th, 1946, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need a caretaker." So God gave us Trump.
God said, "I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, fix this country, work all day, fight the Marxists, eat supper, then go to the Oval Office and stay past midnight at a meeting of the heads of state." So God made Trump.
I need somebody with arms strong enough to rustle [wrestle?] the Deep State and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild. Somebody to ruffle the feathers, tame cantankerous World Economic Forum, come home hungry, have to wait until the First Lady is done with lunch with friends, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon, and mean it. So God gave us Trump.
That last part is borderline word salad. Both the script and the voiceover have gotta be AI generated, right? I love the awkward pause after "arms" which makes it sound as if God is searching desperately for somebody, anybody, who has arms.
Did he deliver his own grandchild? That's such a weird thing to say in any context.
There is no fucking way. If that dude is even half the germophobe he claims to be, there's no way he's getting within splash radius of an actual birth, let alone touching a slimy fresh baby.
I truly believe he would watch his own child slither out onto concrete before he would even consider getting within reach.
Exactly. Birth is one of the most disgusting things I've seen in emergency medicine. It was one of my ultimate nightmares in an ambulance. I can't imagine Trump letting a dog lick his hand, let alone him covered in blood and shit delivering a child while the medical staff just let it happen.
But then if he's lying about it, why the fuck would you lie about something so weird? Who does that appeal to?
Oh, I thought they meant he was willing to sacrifice ('deliver') his grandchild despite it never happening which was still weird.
Lol some abrahamic shit there. Honestly could be why the AI chose that phrasing
My tummy is very full from my big boy dinner but i must go to the oval office for a very important meeting with the top guys
incredible.
one wonders how insanely messianic he would have to get before 50.1% of evangelicals turned on him.
like if he released a commercial of himself in a white robe with a golden light behind his head and all he said was, "Behold, I am the Christ reborn and the Lord God Almighty. Vote for me and send me $25/month or I will condemn you to eternal damnation" ... I think it would be a coin toss tbh.
I doubt he'd lose more than a handful of them doing that. They're pig people who can't do better. When I joined the original Qanon subreddit the day it was created, they were already hosting prayer threads to Trump within the first week.
They would eat that shit up are you kidding me?
Lmao
He did this because this is what his voters want. This fact upsets liberals so much, because they earnestly believe most Republicans are just Mitt Romney type dorks who got conned into voting for a blowhard. It breaks their brains when you tell them that trump voters want a divine overlord who is "tough on crime" (hates minorities) and "America first" (western hegemony).
The backhand irony for conservatives is that they already have a president like that 
, but conservatives don't pretend to have critical thinking skills, so this point usually isn't worth pointing out.
Fight the Marxists he has to invite over for dinner and treat nicely.
It would be very funny if Trump was elected and the next day one of his followers killed him to prove that he will rise again on the third day because he is the messiah
Then he does and it's like... shit.
I'd like to see him wriggle out of this jam.
Resurrects
I like that it's just a list of complaints about things he had to do turned it to Messianic imagery.
Staying up late to go to a meeting. Having to go to a forum he didn't understand. Coming in late when Melania had friends over and he was hungry. Having to be nice. Not meaning it.
I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: