BIGGER AND MORE PRIDEFUL THAN EVER BEFORE 
Bigger and more prideful than ever before 
Looking in the mirror and realising my hips got wider, again, at some point. Fucking rad, I look better every time I check. Smh not surprised I was claimed by a goth wife so quickly 
instantly like this comment to become my wife
Welcome to the trans polycule
In honor of this new account, I just wanted to say that being a girl is great. That is all π³οΈββ§οΈ
spoiler
Well .ml has some downsides but not having access to emojis is something I'm used to as a Jerboa user.
spoiler
Yes this is the same person lol
genuinely not sure if traumatic or just funny
Thinking about that one time in sunday school when I was like 5 and I donβt even remember the reason why he asked this but the teacher asked the boys in the class if they would want to be a girl. I thought about it and decided that sounded pretty nice so I raised my hand and then every one turned and stared at me 
Five year old me told the class she would push the button
It is interesting how little other people know about how bodies work with hrt. One cis girl I talked with just assumed that the boobs of transmascs would just disappear by themselves, for example. I knew more when I was an egg, I guess that just shows that cis-ppl don't research hrt that much.
I had cis friends ask me if estrogen is what changed my voice lol
My GP asked me the same when I first told her I was doing DIY hormones. Incredibly gender affirming, but shows that even medical practicioners can be pretty clueless about it.
I knew nothing about it until about 2 years before cracking. Honestly, practically didn't know it existed.
crushing on two cute trans girls at the same time and knowing that both are fine with that feels so good omg
I do my online shopping using an account that has the name that I like (Rania), and it feels so nice being called using it by the sellers in Arabic, when they ask for delivery address I give them my dead name and the drop off location and I tell them "Oh this is my cousin he'll pick up my package instead of me because I don't want to go to that drop off location" because they require I.D confirmation.
I got told that my voice is pretty 
I know women can be shitty and all, but its really suspicious that the only people that are awful that I interact with are men 
Women mostly suck when they're looking to affirm their place in the patriarchy (liberal feminism)
Thinking about these pictures of me I discovered a few months ago
It was me at like age 6 in a long, flowing purple dress obviously just having lots of fun wearing it and moving around in it
I think my parents put me in it cuz they thought it was hilarious (cuz I was AMAB and in the "wrong" clothing) but I guess I was completely oblivious to that and just liked wearing it :3
Completely forgot about this until I found those pics lol
I only started seriously thinking about gender stuff until I joined Hexbear a few years ago (many such cases 
) but maybe that experience had more of an effect than I can directly remember
I guess I'm still mostly male-presenting irl still (not really out of anything than it's "what's expected" of me) and I only just started telling people close to me irl that I wanna go by they/them pronouns but I think I want to try presenting more neutrally in general. I don't really know how though... I have the most boring generic nerd fashion sense too lol
And I ended up writing way more than I intended lol
"If you could press a button that would turn you into a girl..."
"No, I want to transition"
If society wasn't so bad I'd take E and get laser.
Society: You can be anything you want to be. Live life to the fullest!
Me: transes my gender to experience both pubertys
Society: STOP IT! NOT LIKE THAT!
Me: 
"You have to wait 10 days before sending your bitcoin to someone else"
Fuck you just let me buy my hrt i will murder you. I hate crypto.
Lately, every time I shave I want to cry because I can't get rid of the shadow. This means I'm shaving less. This means I'm dressing up less. This means bad gender feelings.
I'm trying to schedule my first laser session within a few weeks, but I need to get another procedure first, and insurance is dragging its fucking feet and fighting me as usual. Why the fuck do I even give them money every month. Their one job is to pay for shit when I need it.
I injected 1 mg more E than usual yesterday and now everything makes me happy cry 
sadposting
god i fucking hate being single and i hate how i can never get an ounce of sympathy for that feeling either. i used to really crave the idea of being in a relationship back in high school but that's because i was trying to experience femininity through someone else and didn't have the emotions to understand that at the time. but now at the age of [too fuckin old to have zero romantic experience], it just fucking hurts feeling how badly i crave any romantic experience and going on E is only making my feelings more pronounced, and dating isn't really an option for me right now because i'm not really at the point to where i feel like i can be out to total strangers so i just boymode through public life right now
but that's because i was trying to experience femininity through someone else and didn't have the emotions to understand that at the time
I'm so fucking sorry to the girls I crushed on in high school...
fortunately (or unfortunately) i limited it to just the one but good lord do i feel bad for that girl having to cope with that one deeply emotionally unwell neurodivergent "boy" with absolutely no grasp on her endless well of trauma fueled emotions**___**
7 hours in, and we have 90 comments?
Call the shot, hexbears. We're looking to break 600 this week 
Voice training question:
How do you find voice models to emulate? All of the trans voice training women have these really cute, clear, beautiful femme voices, but it's really not at all what I want.
I hardly want to increase my pitch at all, really. Just gotta hone in on that resonance. It would be easier if I had a model tho
The Stalinist admins saw we were doing good despite them shutting down the site to attempt to block us and have now removed us from pinned.
Ugh I missed all of you, where the hell else am I supposed to liveblog my thoughts???
Super bored at work.
Any trans people experience this? Does this mean I'm trans? Or is being bored at work a cis thing?
Health anxiety peaking for sure. I have convinced myself I have cancer.
Cw Discussion of medical issues, genitals
spoiler
So I have genital warts. I think they might be spreading. Today I look at the underside of my penis and like a quarter of the skin has some strange growth on it... Horrifying. Is this some kind of cancer? I felt some pain and tightness before I even noticed this thing.
Weird side effects though is like "what if I have to get my penis cut off... Oh I'll just get free bottom surgery. That's kinda exciting??". Weird thoughts. This is surely just anxiety though
recently I've been trying to frame things as hopeful about the future with my body instead of focusing on what frustrates me now. it's definitely a gradual process, but I think it is helping
getting a big scary looking collections letter from the lab that did my blood analysis saying OPEN IMMEDIATELY to deliver me this big scary looking bill with a grand total of $7.60. wtf calm down, that's not enough to buy a cheeseburger anymore
Learning to do makeup and nails is so much fun. i just did my nails with almost no errors ππ
My partner is struggling with my new self but is being loving and supportive and it makes me feel very special.
She's taking me out tonight in full femme for the first time and i'm so excited to be out with her and not by myself.
You all have been so special and supportive to me in all of this i really appreciate y'all a lot π
ahh yis first
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