Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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π³οΈββ§οΈ Transmasculine Pride Ring π³οΈββ§οΈ
β¬ οΈ Left π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈβπ Be Crime Do Gay Webring π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈβπ Right β‘οΈ
WE BEAT THE NEWS MEGA
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Making me work on weekends is transphobia actually
in that gender zone where im like 'but what is a woman then? Gender is just a construct, so what even is this?' then i realize that i didn't fall out of a coconut tree and I exist in the context of all in which I live and what came before me
First appointment with the clinic is this morning! I'm excited and nervous but I think it will be good. The clinic staff was very good when I scheduled the appointment and I think most of my nerves are thinking I need to come out to a heterocis dr. Justify how I'm queer enough to need hormones.
Which isn't what is happening. The place is staffed with a lot of queer folks. And uses an informed consent model when it comes to hormones.
Looked in the mirror and noticed that my hair is now at the perfect length 
really awful horrifying sexual trauma processing ft Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl
Weirdly, despite the fact I stopped having rejection-sensitivity-fueled breakdowns about A Novels, I find Paul is still giving me psychic damage, maybe more now than before. Not in an obvious way, but to where it fucks with my mental state and makes me wobbly and weird and anxious and worried.
Literally I think what's happening is that, to an extent, some certain depictions of sex acts between men will fucking freak me out. My ex and I were both ostensibly sad little gay boys when we met, so uh there was a lot of that, and a lot of that did not stop when transition started, which is where the trauma mixes in. The only memories I have of "male sexuality" (as in ostensibly being a guy during sex) and the associated terms and acts are horrible and traumatising. I guess it's to the point where when similar things show up in a weirdbook, psychic damage.
This makes sense since I have not really read gay-dude sex before, this is kind of the first time, Paul is a lovely complicated little weird thing. But it's kind of fucking lame and I don't really love the idea that certain kinds of sex just EXISTING will trigger my fucking trauma, that really distresses me. I guess that's reality though? So here's to not reading about dudes having sex I guess...
I hate this, this is terrible, I've been feeling really good about all the sex stuff recently, but I guess it makes sense I would stumble into "damage" at some point. Blegh...
complaining about my envy
Envy is actual brain poison that my brain cannot stop drinking, holy fuck what is wrong with me.
I always hesitate on injection day even though it's going to be fine and it's not gonna hurt that bad and I'm just being a baby.
I threw away about 80% of my wardrobe, I want to go for a more nonbinary wardrobe. Anyone has useful resources and such? For summer weather, I have to add, it's hot here and I feel it limits me quite a lot in this regard as I don't like showing skin that much. Clothes here are very expensive so I was looking to get some stuff over from Temu as I've gotten things from there before. I'm completely garbage at color theory or basic fashion
edit: and fashion advice in general, I always said I go for the practical looks but don't want to look bad
Parents misgendering me again. 
I donβt have the heart to correct them, Iβm moving out in a few months.
Hopefully the next time they see me they will feel stupid ever having done it.
Reading some article, googling a women, oh she's trans, oh she,s my age, oh we came out at the same time, oh she's loved and supported by her community, oh she's been given countless opportunities because of coming out, oh gee, oh no
anyway i might shower for the first time this week, protip dont read the news, do not turn on the television
Okay chat, maybe I stayed up a little late last night and maybe I played an entire season of stardew valley and maybe I'm really eepy today. Some of the notable events for spring of year 1:
(no decisions have been made yet)I have since spent most of the money, mostly getting a ton of crops. My silly girl brain didn't upgrade my watering can during the final days of spring or use
fertilizer on my 100 blueberries so 
This game is so much better as a girl and every time an npc calls me my name or genders me I get a rush of euphoria.
t4t transbianism is the most pure acts possible
~~besides the constant sex but thats pure too~~
DRUMROLL FOR MY BLOODWORK RESULTS:
Estrogen: Way too high, dosage cut
Testosterone: they forgot to check???
????
I have a confession, I don't know any of you lol
I don't read your usernames, I don't even look at your pfps. If I start to recognize you by your pfp and you change it, you're like a new person to me.
I feel like I've repeated myself a few times but that's cause I don't know who I'm talking to. As far as I know, you're a brand new person every time unless we're in replies and even then, if there's a new comment by you and I replied to the new one - I dunno who you are lol. Sorry if I repeated myself to you but I've been doing this for like 4 years and I don't anticipate anything changing
i on the other hand neurotically catalogue each username and my interactions with the user 
i cant stop
I've barely contributed to this thread today and that's 
anyway, today was a great day
Good morning, cha--
Anyway there are two wolves inside me, one says "sexcomm NOW!!! sexmega NOW!!!!" and the other says "THE VOLCEL PEOPLE'S VANGUARD ARE ON THE SCENE!!" I did not get any awooga replies shockingly, just some boring fuckin cishets. A comm like that should be defederated though, to stop lemmitors sliding in and making Sexy Sexxers of Sexxit style dumb jokes.
whining about needles
how the FUCK do i get over my fear of needles for injections.
I've been doing this shit for 4 months at this point and I still cannot do it myself (my girlfriend has injected me every time) and today I cried like a fucking child because i was so frustrated i couldn't do my injection because my anxiety was so high.
I hate this but I don't want to do any other form goddamn it.
Maybe i should switch to subcutaneous from intramuscular but i already have like 5 dozen syringes and filter needles.
God this sucks i feel so stupid
Pharmacy is filling my first estradiol prescription. Going subcutaneous and monotherapy since I don't have fear of needles.
Referral for voice training.
And have a consultation Monday with the laser clinic to start working on the facial hair.
Feeling..
Woke up at 8am today even though I had alarms set for 11am, guess work habits die hard. I also woke up again at 10am because MY SHITTY DOG WAS GOING ALL 
MODE OUT IN THE HALLWAY BLEGH
I feel groggy and moody and gay. I demand compensation from the state for these crimes.
people constantly go on about the eroticism of food, but when i ask to be referred to as "chef" and have my commands acknowledged with "oui, chef" suddenly i'm the weird one
I felt creative today and made a collage celebrating Hexbear. I'm excited to share it but unfortunately I can't post it until tomorrow for reasons that'll become clear soon. All I can do now is wait and do my best to leave it alone and try not to waste my whole night obsessively tweaking small details that don't need it.
(hexbear canvas posting)
Reminder that censorship doesn't work hey comrades, YOU CAN'T KILL AN IDEA lol
who's moustache got drawn suspiciously close to the second coming of HEXBEAR?
I dont want to share this outside of the thread yet because I want as many anti communists to buy a print of the canvas as possible first, tee - hee, but I've been sitting on it for days and I'm tired of waiting.
I really hoped someone would make a height map of which pixels were covered the most because you'd totally still see our art that way, but alas (I'm not wasting my time doing it, but I considered asking for it "to see how bad hexbear got trolled" heh)
also wow I managed to get the .webp to upload to a comment but I struggled to get them to upload to posts, protip I guess?
I've lost track of how many things I've delayed
I just realised that I have not heard someone say my name irl in over a month. And even online its only been in two conversations. Weird how this hurts more now than it used to, although I guess that's to be expected since I've gotten used to actually being out.
I'm gonna 
and start another training arc
I'm gonna come back with so much self awareness and self acceptance... Or I'm not coming back at all!
Good luck making the number go up, everyone
transgemder.
I managed to get up before the afternoon today for the first time in weeks. it was because i had to for a psych appointment, but still pleased with myself. it wasn't even that hard to get up!
I got prescribed a new antidepressant, escitalopram, at the appointment. i have mixed feelings about antidepressants and have been very wary of them after a couple of negative experiences, but my depression has been so all-encompassing since the start of this year that I feel like I need something. also I wanna go back on prog, I had to stop it because it made my depression and mood swings worse but I'm hoping with the mood stabiliser/antidepressant in the mix it will have a better effect on me. so I'm gonna start taking those two things this week, wish my brain and boobs luck comrades:)
I've been doing some research on top surgery recently, and I'm a little bit worried because my insurance says that it might deny (laundry list of cpt codes that align with gender affirming surgeries) as "cosmetic procedures". Do I have to get a medical diagnosis of some sort? This shit is so confusing, my ADHD is not having a good time.
CW: suicide
Up until a couple of days ago I would've told you I was a cis dude. I kinda new something was up but didn't know much about enby identities and never gave it much thought.
Read through the gender dysphoria bible. Holy shit, worlds most dangerous document. Less than 48 hours later I think I might be grill.
On one hand I can't help but keep noticing things I don't like about myself but I feel better for it. Like I've been miserable with everything in my life and I couldn't put my finger on it until now.
One of my closest family members killed themselves a couple of years ago. The world hasn't felt this vibrant since I lost them.
I think I figured out a way to help me feel whole. But I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
Small step but I had to get a new USB-C DAC to replace my busted ass BTR5. Got one in this girly teal/green color that isn't super obvious, and shouldn't raise cis eyebrows.
First feminine presenting thing I've ever bought on purpose and it feels so fucking good.
>wife finishes Nevada
>says she liked it and wanted more
MY POWERS ARE INCREASING
Why do I have to deal with such inconveniences as "sleep" and "food". Why can't I just do DIY projects 24/7.
