Tell me more about this person that you love so much
For what it's worth, I think your story about them and recovery is incredibly sweet
this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2024
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This made me smile. I hardly hear any positive feedback about my feelings for them. And I love talking about them; when things remind me of them, like the grocery store we used to go to together, I get heart-wrenchingly sad, but when I tell a story about them or about their favorite candy or whatever it makes me legit happy.
Idk what to say though, about them. Ask me something I guess? I wish I could tell you their name. It makes my heart flutter when I just think of their name. And it’s a cool name.
They’re so tragically beautiful. Part of what makes me so fucking sad is how much of them will always be a mystery.
What about them do you love?
Anything completely mundane about them that just gets your heart filled up?
They love cartoons/animation. And stickers. And tiny spoons. Here’s a fucking drug dealer who’s been addicted to heroin since they were 18, who goes YAAAAAY when you bring them some cute little thing they like.
Also, all the things I miss about them are just so mundane. Sitting with them in their car, going grocery shopping. Part of why I started going nuts was because I hated how I didn’t get to see this person hardly ever. I didn’t need to see them every day, I just wished they were an organic part of my life, like if they still lived in the same neighborhood I do.
One of the things I love about them feels a little…wrong. Their life story, what I know of it anyways, is tragic but beautiful at the same time. I’ve never been so interested in someone, like that. I’ve cried thinking of what happened to them as a kid; they were “sent away” to a place for “troubled teens” when they were 16. I look at their old Facebook photos and I feel something I don’t know how to describe. I wish I knew them like anyone else in their life. All I have are a handful of memories that I hold tightly onto, like episodes of a show that was canceled too soon.
One time when we had only just met the last time we saw eachother, they invited me along on an errand and we parked in this empty parking lot at night because they wanted to do a shot. They showed me videos on YouTube instead. And then they fell asleep while “Welcome to the Internet” by Bo Burnham played on their phone. I always thought that meany they felt comfortable around me. I can’t remember exactly but I think later that night before I left they gave me a hug.
They abruptly decided to quit smoking meth one day, and it’s funny how their behavior changed. Before that, they were the one person I knew who did meth and wasn’t batshit crazy, but they still occasionally glitched and did something weird, like randomly saying something about being psychically linked to their cat, or casting a protection spell or something I can’t fucking remember on their truck.
They shoplift a lot and for some reason I find it so adorable. One time I pulled up at their spot just as they were getting home from Lowe’s. They were taking a fuck ton of brackets out of their jacket pockets; I said “You boosted those didn’t you,” and they just casually said, “I’m not paying for that shit.”
They once stole a carton of eggs, after commenting on how cheap they were, because this was when the price of eggs was skyrocketing for a minute. Later on they told someone “I only paid $3.50 for a carton of eggs,” and I just had to snark. I should’ve doubled down when they replied with something like “Well you know what I mean” but I was too twacked out to be like “No, I don’t.”
They got mad when I told them how many times I’ve been banned from Reddit.
Thanks a lot for sharing this person with us. No wonder you love them so, they sound very warm and comforting to be around
They think that I’m just “another” person who’s gotten obsessed with them. They’re really hot so a lot of weird dudes get weird on them but it isn’t just that.
Idk why but people fucking fall in love with me all the time. Like people find me really endearing and sweet and shit. It doesn’t come out so much online where I feel comfortable being more like my piece of shit self, but it still happens.
The same thing happens with them. People just fucking love them so often.
And it seems too like we’re both just as often misunderstood, and hated. They’re always telling me about some new drama going on in their life. Another friend who’s turned on them. Another story of someone who was awful and mean to them.
I get accused of shit I didn’t do and nobody will fucking believe me when I deny it. And some people are just so pointlessly mean to me, and bully me.
I think we’re both misunderstood, a lot. It feels too good to be true, like I can’t possibly not just be tweaking here, but I’ve always felt like we had something in common, that I can’t describe and that I’ve never seen in anyone else; it’s the reason I’ve always been so detached and alone, and I can’t help but see little things that make me think they might feel the same way.
I was about to add: they have this amazing silliness to them; they say things like “golly gosh” and “well fuck me sideways with a rake.” They do that thing where they 🎶 siiing 🎶 a random word sometimes, and they’ll say things like “that sounds like something you should talk about wiiiith a therapist.”
I forgot about how that’s something I really love about them because I do things like that too.
They have a cat who sits on their shoulder when they go out. People gawk at them and they told me how when people point and say “You have a cat on your shoulder!,” they sometimes react like AAAAAUGH GET IT OFF ME.
They love movies; they see a movie in theaters literally almost every day. And they’re obsessed with Legend of Zelda. They love stickers. They collect tiny spoons, and when I told them I got them a tiny spoon their reaction was like, this adorable happy child-like “YAAAaaayyYYyy.”
I can’t tell if I broke their heart by lying to them, or if they’re just tired of my insane bullshit. It’s hard to believe they would just…hate me like they seem to.
I’ll never, ever fucking forget them though.
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The bazingas shall save us from the water wars
If this has any overhead required at scale people can always completely ignore it like "cold pyrolysis" trash to hydrogen bazinga shit i heard abt
If they can get a cost effective version that's the size of a suitcase, I don't think there should be egregious overheads for at scale
Worst case they install a billion of these in a single area and collect all the water with minimal at scale overhead which should still be cost effective
Cool maybe then I’ll remember to drink water.
You are going to rehab which indicates you want to stop using drugs, yet you are attached to the community of drug users. What is it about the community that draws you in, and do you think you can find that outside of that community?
I’m gonna think about this one. I gotta sleeps.
One thing I can say though is, I never really liked normal society. Even before I so much as touched a cigarette, I daydreamt of running away from home and being a gutter punk.
On the subject of this person's question, I'm interested to know if part of your attraction to the addict community are the many ways it tends to be more supportive than the rest of the world.
For instance, I'm probably not the only person who has had difficulty getting friends to help with moving, even when you've got a truck and will pay in cash, pizza, and beer. Moving when we were addicts was easier - other pillheads were happy to help us when we were happy to keep them high while they did it. Home improvement projects or odd jobs, same deal - hard to get a regular friend to commit and follow through but rarely a problem with the pillfolk.
They tended to be generally more understanding and empathetic, too.
Yeah, I think. (I just have to think hard on these questions, lol.)
This fall when my dealer’s trailer and van were getting towed, I was the only one who showed up to help, and he later told me he loves me and that I’m the only person he trusts and he lets me rack up a huge tab. I feel like a piece of shit though. I know I don’t just do this for drugs but I know that I’ve just like, disappeared when I didn’t “need” him.
Funny thing is, he acts just like I did with the friend I’m in love with, and I act just like them. He sends me a lot of texts, parks at where I’m camped at and makes dinner and tells me about his day, and I’m sort of aloof. And it isn’t like I don’t like him or whatever. I’m just emotionally unavailable. And sometimes I’ll have these moments where I really do enjoy hanging out with him, or I’m happy to see them—which is exactly what happened with my friend; it left me scratching my head a lot of times.
What do you think of gooning and is it worse or better than what you go through?
I’ve spent hours crankin’ it. I’ve missed nights of sleep.
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing well or getting well.
Lately I’ve been pretty fucked off. Barely leaving my little shack thing that I made. Today I actually shaved and washed my face.
What made you want to go to rehab?
Ironically someone who’s been addicted to meth and heroin since they were 18, who I used to buy from, and who I met at our I guess then-mutual dealer’s place in June or July of 2021. I started losing my shit and fucking myself off and got obsessive and weird for them. They won’t talk to me anymore, and I know I have to do it for myself, and I do have reasons for wanting to do it unrelated to them (I’m embarrassed by the way I am on meth, and I’m basically going to fucking die if I don’t at least learn to be more responsible), but it’s very very hard to do anything for myself, even when it means like, whether I get to eat a decent meal today. The hope that maybe they’ll talk to me again if I get my shit together is the only faint light guiding me to the shore.
Thank you for our answer. I wish you the best of success in your journey!
what are you addicted to
Meth. Occasionally I do heroin/fentanyl but I’ve avoided becoming addicted.
How did you end up getting involved with these substances in the first place? Did you decide to take up that guy in the parking lot's offer, or was it friends, or something else?
I have to pass on this one.
How long can you go without any before you get cravings? Days/hours
So I can go an entire day without smoking and be just fine. They aren’t really cravings though, usually. I have days where I wake up and go hours before I smoke, and I can go all day without and be just fine. It’s actually really pleasant, that initial part of the comedown. But the thing is, I know that without it, I’m basically a vegetable. After that initial pleasant comedown, it becomes Hell; with my heavy use (about half a gram a day), I get psychological symptoms after like the first day, which can be worse or better depending on the most minute things. Sometimes withdrawal is 24/7 waking Hell. Other times it's OK.
Big part of why I think it’s possible for me to be a functioning user, is I don’t need nearly as much as I smoke. I can just hit my bong (you can smoke meth out of a bong lol) once or twice and go about my day, and when I do this, or go a less insane route like oral administration, I’m a lot more functional; I’ll actually feel like it’s benefitting me in some way. But because I’m depressed and want to die I’ll just smoke and smoke and smoke until I can barely talk like a normal human.
It sounds like you might have ADHD friend and you're self medicating?
Hey 👋 Im actually a clinician at a substance abuse clinic (and a recovering addict with three years off meth) what kind of risks for relapse do you anticipate in your recovery?
And since this is leftist website, what do you suspect are the largest material obstacles towards recovery for yourself and for others in recovery?
Most of my Patients post-residential treatment quite honestly relapse mostly because despite doing excellent while in rehab (and while being housed) quickly return to drug usage when gaps in services fail to provide housing for people who graduate our program.
As a person in recovery, a big material obstacle for me is the cost. It isn’t exactly prohibitive, but it does add up and can weigh on person if they’re in a rough financial situation.
By the way, thanks for doing what you do. ❤️
Lack of motivation, the absence of hope.
I talk a lot about my friend, the one who won’t talk to me anymore. They’re the only motivation I can find in this empty world, but I still haven’t called the rehab place and I still have only left my shack to charge my phone, crittle around* a bit, and the go to my local Kroger subsidiary and buy sushi with your taxpayer dollars. Pretty much every single time I’ve tried quitting, it was because I knew it would mean something to them. Even before I started hyperfixating on them. The one time I really almost did it, the day I woke up and realized I had passed the amphetamine bow shock and felt like my old self again (I didn’t even make it a day before I relapsed lol), I texted them and told them I quit meth.
And then either I give up because it feels stupid, or white-knuckling gets too hard for me and I tell myself I can taper down instead or that I can have the self-control to take a harm reduction route (i.e. hit the bong once instead of 12 fucking times) and then something throws me off or gets me down and oops I just smoked an entire gram lol.
What’s funny is, this most recent time I tried quitting, when I got to the point where I could walk around and do stuff and function and not freak the fuck out, I loved it. I felt great. And then I got high.
I know I can’t blame all my problems on meth. In fact sometimes I feel like I was more fucked up before I started doing meth. But like, I used to brush my teeth every day. I used to be able to have something for more than a couple weeks before I fucking lose it. I used to have a reputation as something other than a fucking loser.
What’s weird is I don’t think my best friend also being my dealer will be a problem. He’s said that he wants to talk about how he can be supportive, if I do go to rehab. And I don’t think it’s worth it if I can’t develop the willpower to just not fucking do meth.
Has your drug use affected your politics, and if so how? Have you unlocked any hidden knowledge on a high?
I’m honestly not sure, re: first question.
No hidden knowledge, though I did find it kind of mind-blowing how different a lot of dealers are from the stereotype; my dealer is gayer than a unicorn and has two dogs whom he baby-talks to. I can’t tell you about the other one I used to buy from because it would be too specific, but they are weird and amazing and make my heart melt, I can tell you that.
Hi, thank you for posting this. Because a lot of leftist stuff focuses on marginalised people, by proxy I've noticed how horrifically people treat anyone with an addiction. Like a safe injection site was set up in my town recently and I was disheartened to hear people bitching about "crime rates" and whatever.
I'm glad you posted this, and I'm happy to hear that you've met cool people and found community, even if it's through drug addiction. I admire your commitment to your people o7
I would like to ask: since there's been a lot of noise made recently about Naloxone, has it greatly improved things from where you stand? How common is it for drug addicts to carry naloxone?
Edit: just found out that Naloxone has been approved in the US since 1971 or so? Dang, I've only heard about it the last like five or ten years.
It’s literally saved my life; I took one hit off some strong fetty powder and immediately died (junkie subculture has this kinda poetic thing of using “died” as a term for overdosing; my username comes from a friend, who was talking about all the times they’ve died). It’s not as available as it should but it’s fairly ubiquitous. I just remembered that I by proxy saved someone’s life some months ago, because of what I taught a friend about reversing an overdose.
Also another cool fact about naloxone: it’s derived from oxycodone.
Nasal naloxone (narcan) came out in 2015 and made it way easier to use. It's expensive though - I keep one in my purse but only because my work supplies them in case I see someone OD in the streets (I work in houseless services). Before that you'd have to do an intramuscular injection with a big scary needle (have some of those too, fortunately never had to use them).
Most of the clients I've spoken to about it didn't know that the injection form exists, but I've heard lots of horror stories of "the before times" where people would OD and their friends would have no idea what to do but wait it out.
As an occasional drug user and someone who has been involved in the harm reduction scene for decades, all the solidarity and love to you, comrade.
Brb, writing my Common App supplemental essay about how I'll enhance campus diversity as a drug addict.
lul
(good luck)
really general question but which drugs are taken by what jobs/types?
I cant speak for OP but meth use is pretty widespread, there arent a lot of like specific jobs or whatever that have it more than others.
At the clinic I work at, we mostly get prison referrals and gang outreach patients but from other clinics we know that housewives, white collar workers and upper income people use just as much as our guys, except our guys don't have a golden parachute to save them every time they make a mistake or overamp
thanks!
Dunno where you live, but there surely are many people not treading addicts like shit. The same way I wouldn't treat someone with another illness as shit.
Those who do are just adult bullies or weak-minded pathetic fucks noone should care about.
Anyhow, no question here, just wanted to wish you the best of strength (not much luck needed) to overcome it. I only overcame Nicotine, so I can surely imagine the struggles with anythin worse. You can do it, random Internet stranger 😊
Check out the podcast "crackdown" it's made by a leader of VANDU or the Vancouver drug users and they talk about a lot of things you would clearly be interested in. They're also unashamed and it's a great voice to listen to