Hope it was a great week everyone. Hopefully this one is even better. 
hello trans people of hexbear.net
yesterday i have taken my 4th shot of estrogen :)
Every single thread that talks about misogyny on hexbear becomes a cesspit of “enlightened centrists” on fucking gendered oppression. Ugh.
I know. We need another fucking purge.
It keeps happening. Worst part of the site imo
Oh no. Is it happening again? I haven’t been online much today so I haven’t looked around. Legit might leave the site if this shit isn’t reined in.
Was considering not revealing anything for opsec reasons but I haven't told anyone IRL and feel like I'm bursting at the seams about it so... I started (DIY) HRT! I don't really know what I want out of this exactly but I think I'll like all of the physical changes and hate being seen as a man so here goes! At this point I'm aiming for "transfem enby" but honestly I think I might be okay with anywhere from "man with tits" to "binary trans woman" lol so I'm feeling it out as I go.
Only a few days in (I can still feel slight tenderness at the injection site lol) so probably nothing real changing yet but I'm so excited, and I love the biohacking angle of mixing my own shit. I have no plan for the social aspect if I'm being honest, besides just a) officially coming out to my more chill friends soon, probably around pride month, b) not coming out to my family and c) trying to just be myself, even with the knowledge that I might discover I'm not exactly who I thought I was
Not sure how much people IRL are going to freak about the safety aspect of DIY but I just don't care I don't think. I trust myself more than I trust doctors, and I can afford blood tests if needed.
Happy Monday!
just saw i saw the tv glow. the best trans movie i've ever seen, never felt more seen by a movie. sitting in the theater as the credits roll and just crying because that could have been me
effort post coming later, genuinely mandatory viewing if you're transfem or questioning
You don't understand, ma'am - I NEED those headpets!! I deserve it! But that also doesn't mean I'm unwilling to debase myself by draping myself all over you, headbutting you, making dumb little gay sounds, so on. And I'll make autistic little "mya" sounds when I get the headpets!! I'll be very satisfied and luxuriating in the head attention! It might put me to sleep, and I'll be in bliss, that shit's just like pure dopamine to me. Might end up becoming scritches or cuddles as well, I will lay across your lap or be little spoon. I'll be gay and affectionate, a complete lesbian simp. I desire and require headpets, miss, surely you understand.
getting hrt on monday finally, but in the mean time why the fuck does my voice sound the way it does oh shit oh fuck 
i hate that never speaking again feels preferable rn
Had the greatest thing happen to me today. So I had to get a procedure done by one of my surgeons today. Had to get there early this morning. So it took a while to get called back to get ready but I had an extremely affirming thing happen to me once I got back. The second I got back, I got asked if i had given a urine sample yet. I answered no and asked why. The following conversation took place.
Nurse: It is a urine sample for a pregnancy test.
Me: Oh. That’s fair. I’m definitely not pregnant though.
Nurse: We have to do this. All women must take a pregnancy test just in case. (I assume it was for anesthesia or something)
Me: I promise you. I can’t get pregnant. It is not possible.
Nurse : *visibly confused*
Me: I don’t have a uterus, so I can’t
Nurse: I see. When did you have it removed?
Me: I never had one. I’m trans.
At this point you can see the light bulb flicker on and she stammers a little. I told her not to worry cause it kinda made my day. I then proceeded to not be asked again, lol. Sometimes it’s the little things that happen that make one feel great. I never knew I passed so well, but when you have a nurse insisting on a pregnancy test, well yeah, ya pass ya dingus. Lmao.
I got sent a cervical cancer screening letter after I changed my gender marker. It made me laugh too!
Saw the new philosophy tube. Abigail did a boy voice very very poorly. I laughed and chuckled and then thought... hang on did I lose my fucking boy voice too???
And I tried... and I did apparently. Now I sound like a girl doing a boy voice very poorly. Wtf???
Oh yeah that happens without realizing it. I’ve completely lost the ability to talk like I used to. Hells, I’ve actually forgotten entirely what I used to sound like to the point that my memories have retconned my voice.
lol nice. Sometimes in my dreams I remember myself as a little girl if I'm like reliving some early memory. Which occasionally jostled me when I realize "no wait I transitioned in my 20s hang on"
I still can do an Elvis impersonation just fine - but I've lost what I once thought was my permanent voice... I can imitate Elvis better than I can imitate how I sounded like 5 years ago
Shoutout Dr. Girlfriend for giving me the confidence to speak with my half a pack a day voice <3
down with cis
Mood swings are crazy honestly last night I was like "AHHHHH I'm gonna give up I'm gonna detransition I can't do this" and this morning I'm like hmm I look really cute I'm def trans what was I thinking
I just realized today that it’s almost Pride Month… I wish I was more excited for it tbh but I won’t be able to go to any of the Pride events because none are COVID-safe so I don’t really have much to look forward to.
Hello everyone, I hope yous are all having (and will have) a great week, much love as always!!! 🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰
Bit of a less serious worry than usual, but I keep wanting to finish that fashion effortpost that I have drafted up to post here but I keep procrastinating it. It's mostly since I worry my advice isn't actually that helpful or good since I'm still very new to this. But I still want to get that post done sometime soon since I find fashion really exciting now that I've started to actually present femme and I feel like it would still help at least a few people here to read.
a bit of a vent post
really sad because me and my two gfs' expensive and lengthy attempt to move to a better country has completely failed. the most frustrating part is that we have the means in theory to make it happen. but as I feared we faced so much discrimination for being an unconventional family (landlords don't see us as a family unit, just 3 "friends") and being disabled and so not having work or education lined up in the new country has proven to be a deal breaker. just feeling trapped here atp and actually looking forward to being back in our shitty apartment at home that we all hate because at least it's familiar and waking up in this temporary accommodation in the new country for the last couple weeks has just felt like a cruel reminder of our failure.
Thinking of asking a friend to use they/them :ohnoes: I was so amped up about it last night but now I'm not so sure. They belong to a kind of conservative branch of Christianity and I don't know how they feel about trans people.
I've never done this and eventually I'm going to have to do it with everyone in my life :ohnoes:
I feel this so hard. Hugs
Hey everyone, despite some easing in this week, I can't believe I've been gone for a month. I really had a crazy time with my mental health. I think I've finally gotten over my years long battle with extreme anxiety. I really feel like my emotional range is opening up to feel things other than fear. In the last few days, I've felt actually happy for the first time in years. I didn't realize I had been numb for that long. Anyway, I'm happy to be back here with you 
So, what's happened over the last month? Anything cool I should know about?
@SnowySkyes@hexbear.net is everything coming along okay after your surgery?
@EstraDoll@hexbear.net how has transition been for you? Still ecstatic? 
The contradiction between thinking being socially expected to voice train is bad and wanting to voice train because it makes me sad
I just came out to my friend 
First person outside of my wife 
She said the same thing to me that I said to her when she came out to me as bi over a decade ago
got to go back to the pharmacy to ask for more estrogen again this week . not looking forward to that one
Internal frown every time I select "male" in those job application voluntary disclosures. Technically I know the answer isn't supposed to affect your application but I can't shake the feeling that it does, and I don't want people to think I'm lying for diversity points
The emotional changes are getting really exhausting. Think I've cried more this past week than I did in the entirety of 2023
Face dysphoria
The dysphoria is so much more intense now as well, especially regarding the things hrt can't fix like my awful brow bone. I really didn't think it would get this bad, I almost had a panic attack last night because of it :(
I'm moving away from anxiety fueled "what's happening to me? What do these feelings mean? Why do I feel this way?" type dysphoria into more acute well-trodden textbook dysphoria.
Right now I'm in my "god, I wish I was a woman. Too bad I'm not trans like everyone in the online community I spend all my time in" phase.
Lol, honestly, it feels good 
dysphoria, worries about transitioning, hopelessness
I can't believe how long it would take me to look good. And that's if I start now, which I probably won't. It just kinda hurts that I'll never be a young woman, you know?
And that's if I try really hard on my voice and makeup. I don't try hard on anything :cri: maybe it's not worth it. Maybe nothing is worth it.
So many of the artists I listen to now are trans or at least queer and it's such a good vibe
absolutely horrendous bottom surgery joke
i want to get an orchiectomy but i don't think i have the balls to do it
Had a magical weekend and feeling ready for this one. Hope you all are doing great!
I've been struggling to shave my face, but I just got some aftershave that makes it so my skin isn't completely irritated afterwords. I wish I could shave more of my body, but the maintenance would be way too much, and there would be too much room for imperfection (at least for now). I'll take my wins where I can get them though 😁. Also got some cute sneakers, my others were old and destroyed so I took the opportunity to begin updating my wardrobe; this feels great!
internalized bigotry
goddamn i can’t keep pretending to be straight. i keep going through periods of time where i stupidly try to convince myself that i am het but it just ends up making me feel like absolute dogshit
i’m just gay, but calling myself a lesbian makes me feel so fucking fake and creepy, it makes me feel more male than i already do normally
i don’t see myself as a woman, i want to be one very desperately, but i don’t feel like one or really consider myself one despite trying to be one. i think that’s why i hate calling myself a lesbian so much because it just highlights this insecurity
i don’t know how to get over it though. this isn’t something i think about other trans women, just about myself. i really wish i could be a woman but i don’t see one in the mirror or feel like one inside
admitting last night that i’m not straight and that i am in fact gay felt really good at least. but i’m probably just going to roll back and start lying to myself that i want a boyfriend sometime in the future then i’ll have to go through this all over again
i never make any progress, i just go in circles
Just came out to my younger sisters, three days after coming out to my brothers and nibling.
Told my sisters over an hour ago... Neither of them have messaged me back yet.....
Finally told some of my family members I'm trans, hoping I can tell my sisters and then Parents soon.
In the last two weeks I've started to see more trans youtubers (video essays are my slop) referencing Whipping Girl and transmisogyny, lets goooo.
I've been reading through trans reddit and
dysphoria/puberty/sad posting
Holy fuck I wonder how different things would be if I grew up differently. Would I have realized in time? Would I have gone through male puberty? I'm so sad right now at the thought. I can barely type this out. Things could have been different. I'd have a better voice. I wouldn't be this disgusting over grown man. I'd have gotten to be a young woman. I'd look good right now. Maybe I'd even be dating someone. I could be living my best life. What would that depression as a teen have looked like? Did my gender have more of an effect on it then I ever would have thought at the time? Would I be beautiful right now? It just hurts so much.
If nothing else maybe my head wouldn't be full of worms about being trans.
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