Big update! I finally got a place to rent! I even got room dibs!

The place isn't perfect but it's nicer than any other I've seen so far. And I'm just so, so relieved to actually have a place finally.

Beyond that today's been a very good day too! I got to get off work early to go to a bar with my coworkers, I finished the long project I've been working on, and, most importantly of all, my hair was extra pretty!

I'm even giving myself little treats (shitty spicy ramen) to feel even better~

parents /derogatory

My mom walked into my room this morning and told me she was going to star throwing things out of the house and that included my room. I told her that it’s my room and my stuff and I have a right to decide what to keep. She basically responded with “lol no you’re too mentally ill for that.”

Chat, what the fuck was that?

People are a lot nicer to me now than before I transitioned, which is nice, but it feels like a lot of them also assume I'm dumb af, which never happened when I was a "guy".

I kinda expected it from men, but what's caught me off guard is that a lot of women do it too.

Feeling more confident every time I go out looking for women's clothes

intersex stuff and hormone issues

i’m intersex and have various health conditions and it all combines to create a situation where i must be on T, and i can only be on very limited amounts of E. i’m still trying to find the right E levels that won’t cause me problems.

this is kinda annoying and i wish i could change it but there is nothing i can really do without having a surgery i can’t afford and don’t really want.

Wanna travel across the world handing out estrogen vials like some sorta trans mansa musa.

love to wake up in the middle of the night and see that ive been lying on my tablet again

it's not MY fault that the fanfics are just too good to put down

I've noticed something lately

I used to feel fairly content just doing things on my own, before I really came out as trans to anyone else. Due to a number of factors, I don't feel as content as last year for instance. But despite that, it does seem like I'm laughing more often, which is nice ❤️

I've also made a small IRL trans friend group, and it's fun hanging out with them

I'm still on waiting lists for gender care, and it seems like it'll still be a while, but being able to be a girl in front of more people has made me very happy

I'm planning on coming out to my mom in a few weeks' time, and I really hope it goes well!

Discovery: tank tops are rad (especially with room for sideboob or if you wear a sports bra that's fun too) because I sweat in them way less.

In a t-shirt, even a men's 4XL one, my underarms become a fuckin swamp, I drip sweat even in moderate summer temperatures. I bought a bunch of tanktops a while back though, both men's and women's, from medium to XL (silly sizes) and it's far less likely I'll sweat to death. I am now in Tanktop and Sweatpants Gang; I am a small shirt big pants queer now!

Weird how searching up top surgery info can make your tits weigh ten more pounds.

some sad feelings around motherhood, rambling

ive been doing trauma release exercises and meditation recently and theyve brought up so much shit that ive been repressing. like i think i finally unlocked lesbian yearning and holy fuck i can barely handle it!! ive never felt this full body loneliness before, its almost incapacitating. and ive also started to grieve the fact that i’ll never be a mother unless a lot of shit (physical health, finances, mental health) gets magically better over the next few years and it just sucks. it sucks a lot lol

---

okay, my face doesn't look any more femme but it's clearly a lot softer looking. My roommate wasn't lying about me looking different

I am genderfluid, it's very liberating to admit that. I don't really wanna stick with one way of presenting myself or having one identity. I am pretty happy as a guy and as a girl and also in mysterious, unknowable forms.

good morning

I left

The Thing sustaining me rn is that soon i'll be living on an Anarchist commune in another country. 120% tired, 200% done w/ this shithole.

blahaj zone, racism, transphobia?

blahaj zone continuing to be special. this is a mod on blahaj btw. this was in a thread about musk and his daughter but apparently was referencing something else as well?

Chat, my wife tells me that my voice sounds good. She is obviously a liar, how can I get her to stop?

I also have not been misgendered in like two years now despite my voice NOT sounding good. This is clearly a lie, how can I get reality & random people outside to stop?

actual non-goofy post

I goofed a little with voice training and I can sing along okay to some cool albums (Eye to the Telescope, Dreamboat Annie) even though it shreds my throat if I go too long. I found what I think is an autism problem, which is that I have really poor control over my larynx and stuff. I think it's inconsistent Idk.

Doxxing I know but I should post a vocaroo where I read the first chapter of Nevada lmao

I turned a redpill youtube thumbnail trans

It’s good to have peace of mind when doing injections now knowing it is actually working

trans people will be 23 and walk up to you and say "I'm 31, actually" and pull out their ID that makes them older than they really are. No girl, you're not a day over 25, stop lying, you do NOT look remotely that old

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL PLANNED OUT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING

Just wanted to post out into the void that being trans fucking rocks actually.

Hey trans thread, I just helped a gal amend her birth certificate. Being trans is alright, but helping other trans people? That's the real good shit.

Working a culturally-specific job is like the best move I've ever made for my own emotional wellbeing.

struggle session talk

Sorry for lashing out at everyone, yesterday.
Sometimes it just feels like I am only viewed as this like...charity case that has to be guided or condescended to and everything I say is wrong.
I was still kind of sensitive about the whole thing from a few days ago, so when I was trying to have a genuine conversation with Ash, but Smiley just comes along with what felt to me a very pithy and hostile and unproductive comment just targeting me and basically (in my eyes) calling me a transphobe it really hurt my feelings.

I'm grateful one of the mods eventually did remove the comment, but at the time it just felt like anything I said was under such intense scrutiny, but anything anyone said to me was fair game.
Like I would be chastised for calling someone delusion (which I shouldn't have done), but people had free reign to call me or liken me to fascists or phrenologists and transphobes.
Which to me is really hurtful.

And seeing all the upbears those comments get just kind of makes or made me feel like I was just surrounded by people who hate me, when this server should feel welcoming.
The anonymous nature of those upbears just kind of increasing my paranoia and making me lash out at everyone.
The only person I knew I was upset with (and who seemed to hate me) was Smiley so I made a post saying she should block me because I didn't want her interacting with me.
The way I did this wasn't very calm or mature, even when I tried to be more level-headed about it after my first comment was removed.
It probably could have/should have been a DM.
I kind of wish it had been because I really did not appreciate her claiming I purposefully misgendered her because I have a habit of using singular they.
She knew I was already sensitive about her previous comments that, in my mind, called me a transphobe. So her making such an accusation felt very purposeful and like she was further trying to upset me, and worse, manipulative like she was trying to get everyone to hate me.

That could or could not be the case, but that's how it felt to me at the time, for what it's worth I am sorry if it genuinely upset you that I used they.
I'm not really trying to dig up the drama, I just want to explain my side of things.

So estrogen makes your skin softer right? What the fuck is gonna happen to my hands then dude. I have had soft sensitive baby hands since childhood that turn red and hot when there's like any significant strain put on them. Skins gonna slough off on making contact with solid matter or something

getting bottom surgery so i can fulfill my lifelong dream of wearing a packer

We just finished a batch of Ginger + Soy, Tofu stir fry

It's trans relevant because Soy

More sappy posting about being gendered correctly on this funny bear website.

Someone referred to me as her the other day and literally can't stop thinking about it and how happy it makes me feel.

Dysphoria hoodie that gives you dysphoria

navel gazing, cw discussion of sex related stuff

spoiler I'm having a whole day today, a lot going on internally.

I guess maybe it's being NB (again) or else I've had some kind of internal seeing-the-light moment, but I have pleasant, weird and new perceptions of myself and my expressions and a lot of things I do.

If you asked me six months ago what I thought of being touched below the belt, I would probably have said "don't even fucking think about it". Now though, I can honestly say that I have had sex without any real dysphoria, which in itself feels weird. I've been a dysphoric little bitch my entire life, and now it's just... fine? I did not feel the need to instantly pull up the covers or whatever afterword. I'm not convinced that my junk bothers me in sexual terms. Cool?? Could I have spent the last decade not suffering if I'd just forsaken binary genders?????? Did it really have that much of an impact on my self-perception and everything??? I guess so...

To be fair, part of this is all that excruciating trauma processing I did a couple megathreads ago =) My mind and its stream of consciousness will still float away and think irrelevant things if I let it, but having put in all the work to actively rein that shit in means I can think clearly about whatever is currently going on, ask myself what I want, what I'm gonna do. I feel ridiculously clear headed now; whereas before I would barely speak, I have a lot less trouble expressing what I want. Maybe I will be ready to do something funny and kinky at some point?

TL;DR yeag :::

My therapist said to reach out to other queer people. She said Hexbear didn't count as homework, but was still very worthwhile. I even asked here how to do my homework, because she told me I should check. How are y'all doing?

Shower last evening had me genuinely 'ing and I can't talk about it with anyone without sounding crazy

Unfortunately for me I am not good at pretending nothing happened when something happened

Send hugs I guess lmaooo fuck

Long hair feels so good, even if I am constantly keeping my bangs out of my eyes.

Goodnight hexbear, a good end to a good day of girl vibing I love being a girl, I'm not going back. I think I'm going to wear my hoodie and pajamas tonight, it's been a few days and I deserve to double up on the :comfy:

Posting here so you guys and gals can win, I hate the news mega sm.

In our Soviet Union people aren't born; organisms are born. Here, people are made — tractor drivers, mechanics, academicians, scientists, etc.

Why can’t I look like an anime dog girl!!??

elon's estranged daughter is cool as fuck.

she sounds like she posts here