this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

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English Kings named Charles and dying due to their own stubbornness - name a better duo.

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[–] Parzivus@hexbear.net 83 points 9 months ago (5 children)
[–] MorelaakIsBack@hexbear.net 75 points 9 months ago

mine are too strong for you, traveler

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 43 points 9 months ago

roll 2d4+con

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[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 76 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

We're in fucking 1320 motherfucker.

The King is ailing and needs herbs and potions to keep him alive. The taxes are going up and your children are being requisitioned by the Crown.

But also critical support to the king and the pepto bismol he thinks will help.

[–] Tachanka@hexbear.net 57 points 9 months ago

feudal holdover believes in potions, more at 11

[–] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 52 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Would his majesty be interested in the traditional royal treatment of being fed a solution of powdered lead and mercury (the royal metal!) by some kind of court appointed alchemist/astrologer?

[–] Comradesexual@lemmygrad.ml 24 points 9 months ago

royal treatment of being fed a solution of powdered lead and mercury

I looked this up and

In Chinese alchemy, elixir poisoning refers to the toxic effects from elixirs of immortality that contained metals and minerals such as mercury and arsenic. The official Twenty-Four Histories record numerous Chinese emperors, nobles, and officials who died from taking elixirs to prolong their lifespans. The first emperor to die from elixir poisoning was likely Qin Shi Huang (d. 210 BCE) and the last was the Yongzheng Emperor (d. 1735 CE). Despite common knowledge that immortality potions could be deadly, fangshi and Daoist alchemists continued the elixir-making practice for two millennia.

Based alchemists disguising killing the parasiting ruling class as feeding into their fear of death.

[–] ComradeChairmanKGB@lemmygrad.ml 21 points 9 months ago

Someone should inform him of the traditional guillotine treatment. Very effective for royals.

If you separate the head then the ass cancer can't reach the brain 🤔

[–] FumpyAer@hexbear.net 51 points 9 months ago

Critical support to the King in his desire to off himself by refusing the finest medical treatment in the world.

[–] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 50 points 9 months ago

Wow so Charles banknotes are gonna be a rarity in a few years.

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 38 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Chemotherapy is fucking awful and I understand why someone might not want to do it, and these days there might be alternatives, specially if you have the resources of the British monarchy.

At any rate, I hope the cancer wins.

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 24 points 9 months ago

Norm MacDonald may be shitty but he did manage to be funny so to paraphrase 'really the best cancer can hope for is a draw '

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 33 points 9 months ago (4 children)

the person playing Crusader Kings on this family clearly decided it was time to get a younger king on the throne

[–] Comradesexual@lemmygrad.ml 19 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Not me, I always make my own religion and make the gender law equal so I don't have to worry about the gender of my council members locking me out of the most skilled people.

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[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 33 points 9 months ago

idk, critical support to the king for slowly and painfully killing himself unnecessarily.

He's going to break out the leaches, isn't he.

[–] gramxi@hexbear.net 31 points 9 months ago

you do you king 🦀🦀🦀

[–] DyingOfDeBordom@hexbear.net 29 points 9 months ago (1 children)

isn't he like 98 years old or some shit, like at some point I feel like you gotta do the math and figure out if fucking up all the cellular replication in your body and all the consequent fun side effects of that is worth getting rid of a cancer that might not even kill you for another 5+ years

anyway hope he does the chemo and dies anyway fuck im

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 46 points 9 months ago (2 children)

75 so younger than both Biden and Trump.

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 33 points 9 months ago

christ alive everything is so bad lmao

[–] mar_k@hexbear.net 19 points 9 months ago

Damn and Liz died at 96/ Phillip at 99, if he lives as long his parents (very doubtful) he'd be king til 2045-2050

[–] Beaver@hexbear.net 27 points 9 months ago
[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 27 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'm as happy about a king dying as the next guy but I can't help hoping that his mortal husk keeps going for a bit longer. A dead king is not worth much when they just make a new and younger guy king.

The good thing about prince Charles being king is that he is so old and decrepit, there's no risk of him breathing new life into the monarchy or becoming popular. The current king is an embarrassment to the British state which is good and funny. I don't know about the next guy in line other than that he's probably an unlikable posh asshole but he looks reasonably lifelike and the propaganda apparatus might be able to construct a cult of personality around him.

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 26 points 9 months ago

This.

If Charles dies, William would become king. William is in his 40s and is tactful and very well respected, especially by the libs. If there's anyone who could keep up the optics of the monarchy like his grandmother did, it's him. We would have 45 more years of wholesome 100 state parasite.

[–] axont@hexbear.net 27 points 9 months ago

Hear ye hear ye our King hath consul from the finest Apothecary in all the lands. A great many tinctures and potions shall restore our great monarch

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 26 points 9 months ago

pizza-dance hope it hurts.

[–] mar_k@hexbear.net 25 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My guess is that at the moment he's taking advice from a man called Michael Dixon, who he's championed for many years, has headed his own natural alternative medicinal institute

Looking into this dude just keeps getting better and better lmfao, Charles made him "head of the Royal Medical Household"

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[–] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 25 points 9 months ago

fuck yeah kingo do a flip

[–] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 24 points 9 months ago
[–] Lerios@hexbear.net 22 points 9 months ago

CRITICAL SUPPORT TO PRINCE CHARLES IN HIS WAR AGAINST PRINCE CHARLES lets-fucking-go party-sicko

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

herbs and potions

Quick, anyone in the Church of England got Lay on Hands?

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[–] jackmarxist@hexbear.net 21 points 9 months ago
[–] Elon_Musk@hexbear.net 20 points 9 months ago (3 children)

It's arse cancer. He's 100% shoving herbs and potions up.his arse

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[–] ComradeChairmanKGB@lemmygrad.ml 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You wouldn't get chemotherapy because you're an unscientific fool

I wouldn't get chemotherapy because of a lifetime of depression

We are not the same

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[–] Great_Leader_Is_Dead@hexbear.net 20 points 9 months ago (7 children)

At his age is chemo really worth it? I kinda feel like I'd forgo it myself, just focus on enjoying what's left rather than spend years puking my guts out.

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[–] CarbonScored@hexbear.net 19 points 9 months ago

Since when do we quote and believe anything the great bullshitter and white supremacist Nigel Farage says? He even admits he's just talking out his ass in the same breath.

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 19 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

gbnews, as a source for anything, is as reliable as your nan's facebook

[–] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 27 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Tbf he does love alt "medicine" (sugar pills)

Whether he was just grifiting or if he truly believes it who knows.

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 18 points 9 months ago

i'm wishcasting he shoves fruit juice up his ass instead of getting actual treatment

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Mine is pretty solid. She says happy birthday on everyone's birthday and that's all. Honestly THE source for when her friends list's birthdays are

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

genuinely heartwarming, love your nan

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[–] Redcuban1959@hexbear.net 18 points 9 months ago

I guess he really wants to die lol

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 18 points 9 months ago
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