this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse

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144
I met a Hexbear in person once, they were DISGUSTING and VILE (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
37 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

They smelled like beans and mushrooms and when I shook their hand they gave me a small rat and told me it was "one for the road".

They had green skin like a goblin and had a shirt that said "Xi is my god".

I didn't feel safe. Be careful out there, and lock your doors too because I hear they steal your passive income.

all 42 comments
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[–] marx_mentat@hexbear.net 47 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I met a hexbear once. They were making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me and the baby called me a liberal.

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I actually have a pocket full of rats looking for side kicks and I help them find plucky humans to take under their wing.

This was me. You met me.

[–] LemonGrease@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Aaaaaa nooo I don't want my pre-transition life knowwwwnnnnn bocchi-cry

[–] LemonGrease@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh no. I am so sorry comrat

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

The people will know of my bloody struggle 💪

[–] Pandantic@midwest.social 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Can we meet? I need another rat to help me think of ways to takeover the world.

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

rat-salute

The humans had their chance muhahahaha

[–] Pandantic@midwest.social 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I for one accept our rat overlords. I’m just saying, I can be of use!!

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 12 points 2 years ago

You will be spared 🫂

[–] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Hi, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour?

spoiler

[–] NoYouLogOff@hexbear.net 28 points 2 years ago

My passive income, no!

[–] forcequit@hexbear.net 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)

DO NOT DO THIS

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It was me, I sold your apes!

[–] Antiwork@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago (2 children)

But not my Slurpjuice

[–] Owl@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago

And my axe.

[–] Tastysnack@hexbear.net 11 points 2 years ago

What's the going rate now?

Is it 3 apes + a slurpjuice gets you laid or is that wishful thinking by them?

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

the hexbears turned me into a newt

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago

I'm glad you got better.

[–] SexMachineStalin@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago

One of them randomly handed me a folded up sheet of paper with :PIGPOOPBALLS: on it on the bus

[–] BoneDemonBoofer@lemmygrad.ml 20 points 2 years ago

I'm using this as a copy pasta now. This had me fucking rolling.

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 20 points 2 years ago

They smelled like beans and mushrooms and when I shook their hand they gave me a small rat and told me it was "one for the road".

Stop making leftists sound cool.

[–] CascadeOfLight@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

I thought I met one once, turned out it was just a grizzly that had been cursed.

[–] sharedburdens@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Weird, I only hand out possum-dog, must be a regional thing

Also despite what my shirt says I only pray to Xi in moments of extreme anguish xi-plz

[–] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago

Can we get an opossum Hotdog plushie?

[–] Freeanotherday@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

I heard they all smell like owl piss.

[–] PandaBearGreen@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago

Xi is my God, so what?

[–] stigsbandit34z@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

At least they did not come at you with a comically large spoon

stalin-spoon

[–] LeylaLove@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago

Couldn't be a Hexbear user, they didn't call you a lib

[–] axont@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago

I met a hexbear one time and I was loudly told to get back inside because I was mistaken for a cat (I'm small and covered in fur)