lady I'm texting says "I will literally ruin your life"
,,,really? you promise? ☺️🥰🥺
"My life is already ruined, you can't make it worse 🥰☺️🥹"
Joke's on you, I'm already at rock bottom 
You can always dig further.
the last time I had a dating profile, it was a very anti-dating profile type of profile.
very "I am only on here to have something to do on my phone when I take a shit. and maybe find someone to rob. buy me dinner and I'll steal your laptop" type shit. all of my pictures were unflattering.
I got an embarrassing number of matches.
I'm convinced there's so many bots and people with zero personality beyond liking The Office on dating platforms that having anything on your profile that makes it clear you're a real human being will get you more matches.
Thats what she said
*Quick tip for those using gay dating apps
Comparing tinder to grindr is like comparing playing baseball to walking on the fucking moon
You would be surprised by the number of men who are horny for women who are unstable and might murder them in their sleep
Women can write whatever they want in their bios and still get thousands of matches (as long as they are 25 years or younger). Men have no standards (until they match, then it can be another story).
pro tips: you can get chasers to avoid you by breaking their legs with hammers
I have a friend whose bio was “I am a murderer” and he was pretty popular
I used to help friends and charge strangers for fixing their dating profiles. This is the approach I used to great effect. Actual tinder-tip:
First picture of you should be of you (and ONLY you) from the chest or stomach up. You should be smiling, which indicates you are not a psycho.
Second picture of you should be a full body picture, so people can see you are not ashamed of your body.
Third picture should be a group photo with some friends, which indicates that you are not a psycho. Smiling is good here as well. Smiling is generally good, because it makes people think you are happy and you can make them happy - you won't, you're gonna ruin them, but don't tell them that.
Fourth picture should be of you doing an activity - rockclimbing, swimming, knitting, dj'ing, and so on. This is to indicate you have something going on in your life and also gives people some idea of your personality.
Fifth and sixth are interchangeable position-wise, but they are: Silly picture and sexy picture. I recommend saving the sexy picture for last.
That's it for pictures. You can have 1-2 activity/silly/sexy pictures but they come at the end then, and don't have more than that. You can have too many pictures.
Your bio should be positive - that is to say absolutely NO "swipe left on me if you..." Talk about what you like, not what you dislike. It should be light, short, sweet and give people something to write to you about. It is a good idea to ask a question in your bio, which people can then answer - this is a pre-icebreaker.
Another good idea is to suggest dates in your bio.
Lastly: use hinge, it's better than tinder, less toxic (not non-toxic, but definitely less toxic). Feeld used to be good, but has become ridden with bots and bros who want threesomes with chicks or femme enbies (which they consider to be women, because queer people are, at best, fetish objects for them). This last tip varies by region and culture.
Edit: Also the pictures should look like you and optimally you should look relatively similar in all of them (optimally, but we all know it can be hard to find good pictures of ourselves, so its fine if they dont). Your hair can be different lengths than your pictures too, thats also fine. They can (should) be flattering, but they have to look like you. The worst first impression you can give is one where you start off by lying AND it makes you seem incredibly insecure, which isn't a good foundation for fun.
my first 3 photos are the exact same as your recommendations lol. no activity or silly/sexy photo though
It is relatively intuitive lol, but a lot of people think they should have five super close selfies for some reason.
Other sins:
Sexy/silly picture is also optional, forgot to mention that. You have to have one, but you don't need to have both.
You have to have one, but you don't need to have both.
Not when you're as hot as me.
All of these rules go out the window when you're a (hetero) lady, and I do not know what lesbians are into (apart from flannel apparently), so I won't deign to pretend.
I do not know what lesbians are into
Me. They're into me
You should be smiling
Mostly a good system imo but this one is case-by-case. Most success i had pics-wise was when i stopped trying to get a smiling pic of me that looked good and not forced and just put a naturalistic looking selfie with a neutral (even slightly broody) expression as my first picture. a lot of this depends on your overall vibe though - idk if this is actually possible but i feel like i am Visibly A Sensitive Softboy so it has more that aura and less serial killer vibes. and some of my follow-up pictures show me havin a bit more fun. with a less boyish face than mine this might be tougher to pull off. but unless you can get someone to snap a really good candid smiling pic, smiles can look v forced and pained in a static photo.
oh also i don't know if you mentioned, but if you have a pet and have a cute pic of u and ur pet as a guy absolutely throw that bad boy in the rotation - shows you have a heart and can keep another living thing alive (sadly the bar is that low for fellxs dating ladies).
and YMMV on t * nder vs h * nge, they have different vibes/niches. i got a lot more matches with baddies of my type on t * nder but way more flakes who didn't even wanna have a convo let alone meet up. h * nge my match rate was pretty damn low (maybe this is insecurity talking but i wonder if mandatory height listing accounts for that since im p short), BUT i got my head and shoulders best match there which might be progressing into something serious rn so take that for what its worth.
It should be legal to chop a chaser's dick off (since they're like 99% cis men)
A lot of them turn out to be eggs too, so it's like Schrödinger's trans-on-trans violence
I have never had to use a dating app yet I have the delusion I’d be really good at them in another life.
It's best if you treat them like a game you can win, which coincidentally is the worst possible way to start relationships
sadly yeah. i actually tried to stop thinking about it in these terms when it came to how i opened & chatted with matches (i think trying mold the Perfect Approach to Win the Game was actually hurting me vs just being myself and going with the flow). but the swiping stage, profile set-up, etc, definitely. and you really have to detach from any level of excitement from the person until you at least meet once in-person (which is also antithetical to your end goal of meeting someone worth getting excited about).
I used to streamline my friends dating app profiles. Also did it for a few strangers after my friends started to see big success. Made a couple 100 bucks off of it.
Genuine queation: Why do people say "I will ruin your life"? When their profile says that I pass on them because I got enough shit going on. I'm not dating to find someone who wants to be disastrously mean to me.
I believe the implication is great sex
I am so confused. Great sex adds joy to my life, it doesn't ruin it.
Because mental instability is ebic and sexy :DD
Got so much trauma from abusive relationships that says otherwise </3
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