this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Wtf, it's some kind of magical elixir you're supposed to dribble directly onto your dick data-laughing

Every detail about this ad is so fucking funny, from the roaring wolfman to the text.

AliExpress is a Wild West of shady medical products like these. Why does Elon Musk spend tens of thousands on hair plugs when he could buy a Chinese remedy that would give him a full mane of hair in a week for 10 bucks

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[–] dustbunnies@hexbear.net 6 points 8 hours ago

this made me shriek with laughter πŸ˜‚ it truly is art, jfc

that fake product guy wishes he could come up with this kind of thing

[–] JayTreeman@hexbear.net 7 points 16 hours ago

OK. But has anyone tried it?

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 54 points 1 day ago (2 children)

"Incredibly dubious" can we leave the editorializing out of this? Just the facts please

[–] buh@hexbear.net 33 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

It definitely works, but only for werewolves

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 42 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sorry I besmirched the reputation of the good folks behind ENLARGE PENIS πŸ˜”

[–] Des@hexbear.net 7 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

if only all product names were this blunt and to the point

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 2 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

Its "to the point" alright

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 54 points 1 day ago

Me when I take this

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 18 points 20 hours ago

This is the kinda thing that needs to be on billboards

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 54 points 1 day ago (3 children)

That wolf isn't roaring, he's howling in pain because that shit burns

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 40 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I was thinking it would be really funny if the liquid in the bottle was just tabasco or something

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 6 points 18 hours ago

Wasp venom. The enlargement effect only works if you're allergic.

[–] urmums401k@hexbear.net 9 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

She, actually. Didn't even want a penis, spilled it on her thigh so its all off center too...

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 6 points 16 hours ago

Rip 😭

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There was a story about a dude who shot up bull erection stimulant in a night club and had tremendous pain but I can't find it.

[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 42 points 1 day ago (2 children)

38 centimeters in two hours seems incredibly painful

[–] OprahsedCreature@lemmy.ml 22 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Not just for the grower. Imagine being so porn-brained that this seems reasonable.

[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 7 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I was just thinking that with the advent of ai porn, i bet people are starting to get bespoke sexual complexes not even crafted by human hands

[–] Weedian@hexbear.net 15 points 22 hours ago

my dick split open and locusts flew out!

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 32 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I'm gonna buy some and use it to water my plants, let's see what happens.

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 30 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

Experiment idea: Buy this as well as the hair growth and boob growth remedies along with that weird contraption that's supposed to make your butt bigger from AliExpress and apply liberally until you look like a Chewbacca shaped like Nicki Minaj with a dick that drags on the ground

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 24 points 23 hours ago

Someone else can do that. I don't wanna end out in a The Fly style situation

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 17 points 22 hours ago (1 children)
[–] urmums401k@hexbear.net 9 points 20 hours ago

I think I 'read' this hentai. Set up cameras.

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[–] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 23 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Wait, do I become a wolf man, a bull man or just a regular bull with an enormous penis? Only one way to find out I guess.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 22 hours ago

Please wolf please wolf please wolf

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 35 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Bloody hell, that lens flare i-cant: "And to you Frodo Baggins, I give the light of EΓ€rendil our most beloved star. May it be a-Wait, what are you doing? NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S FOR!"

This is like the perfect PPB equivalent to drop on anyone whose solutions are more deregulation

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[–] DavidGarcia@feddit.nl 23 points 23 hours ago

why would I want such a significant reduction in length?

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 25 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

This was a plot in the Harley Quinn episode we watched last night. Bane took some magic elixir for a bigger schlong then fucked a bunch of buildings to death.

[–] Sulvor@hexbear.net 14 points 21 hours ago

Damn beat me to it

leo-point

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[–] john_browns_beard@hexbear.net 15 points 21 hours ago

stonks-up πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†

[–] someone@hexbear.net 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

38cm? Why would I want to downgrade?

[–] ThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.net 9 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

They need an incredibly dubious penis reduction elixir for transfems now (it provides material to use for the penis enlargement of others)

[–] Speaker@hexbear.net 7 points 17 hours ago

The Law of Equivalent Sexchange :kelly:

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this is the kind of content that I scroll for. a true masterpiece.

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

why would you want penis that big?

[–] CantaloupeAss@hexbear.net 31 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

Because:

  • young men are bombarded with internet pornography from childhood which idolizes and selects for enormous penises,
  • we as a culture embrace body-shaming tropes like "big/small dick energy",
  • people are more online and less IRL-social than ever and thus less likely to have affirming sexual or social experiences (e.g. seeing normal penises on other boys in a locker room),
  • and our society is still so puritanical and weird about sex that no young man is having a conversation with his parents about how to process all this information to maintain a positive body image,

so they conclude that in order to be a valid man they must have an enormous penis

[–] Yukiko@hexbear.net 22 points 22 hours ago

Genuinely wish thought countering this would enter mainstream thought. I don’t want my partner to have a huge dick. I like to not feel like I’m being bisected at my vagina. I also don’t enjoy the feeling of someone bottoming out in me. Just learn how to treat women. Seriously.

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 6 points 18 hours ago

You forgot:

  • When your back just isn't flexible enough anymore to perform autofellatio because it's getting too difficult to reach. A couple of inches can make all the difference here, and prevent spinal injury. We should be thankful that these entrepreneurs are out there looking out for aging former gymnasts and goth rock singers.
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