this post was submitted on 08 Dec 2024
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chapotraphouse

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[–] InternetLefty@hexbear.net 115 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No fucking way. This guy rocks

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 72 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

My friend sent me that while I was out running errands and I spent a good minute cackling over it in the car.

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 43 points 1 week ago

But did you file your Petition for Authorization for Momentary Cackling to the Humor Committee beforehand, and was it approved?

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 109 points 1 week ago

Every couple hours the NYPD is chiming in to remind you this guy is rad as hell.

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 88 points 1 week ago (2 children)

There's no way this guy is this incredibly based and incredibly smart. There's just no way.

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I say he is that smart and based lathe-of-heaven

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[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 78 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"We totally know who he is tho guys, trust us!"

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 59 points 1 week ago

The FBI raised the bounty to $50k, to lure him into a false sense of security.

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 31 points 1 week ago

Adams: "I'm not saying if we also found red houses or green houses or a silver top hat that's as big as those houses or the deed to Atlantic Avenue but the net keeps gettin' tighter and he no longer has that stuff so he can't barter it..."

[–] ImmortanStalin@lemmygrad.ml 72 points 1 week ago

Biden needs to give this guy a full pardon.

[–] 0__0@hexbear.net 69 points 1 week ago
[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 65 points 1 week ago

I like to think someone else put this there and reported it as a bit and everyone is just joining in on fucking with the NYPD

[–] determinism2@hexbear.net 64 points 1 week ago

They also apparently found a second Hunter Biden Laptop

[–] Taster_Of_Treats@hexbear.net 56 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Are we even sure that the backpack they found was put there by the adjuster? Because the entire country knew they were canvassing central park for the bag in real time. And leaving the actual jacket he wore is risky because there could be DNA left on it. Hopefully the backpack and jacket were scrubbed clean.

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 50 points 1 week ago

Not even a little bit sure but i think it's still just as funny if it's someone playing a prank

[–] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 35 points 1 week ago (1 children)

DNA is only good to confirm they have the right guy. Ditching the attire you were filmed with is far more important.

[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 35 points 1 week ago (2 children)

DNA can also be matched using DNA services like 23 and me or whatever. If the shooter or a family member has ever traced their ancestry with that it could be used to catch them

[–] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Have they ever actually done that though? I don't think they've ever caught someone because they dropped a pube their aunt took a 23 and me.

[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 23 points 1 week ago

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_James_DeAngelo

All the cops have to do is ask the company. It's like ring doorbells.

[–] RedDawn@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

They caught the golden state killer that way.

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[–] abc@hexbear.net 50 points 1 week ago (1 children)

UHC SHOOTER PLEASE COME ONTO HEXBEAR WE NEED YOUR POWER

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 36 points 1 week ago

Shooter go on chapo

[–] plinky@hexbear.net 46 points 1 week ago

Damn the moneybags did thisporky-happy

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 42 points 1 week ago (1 children)

would be funny if someone just bought a duplicate after the news dropped and left it in central park to throw the cops off lol

[–] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My first thought was that this is what happened lol

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 26 points 1 week ago (1 children)

if they pull you in for questioning just be like oh fuck thank you for finding my bag

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

I was on my way to game night with the pals officer, my friend is missing parts of his game after his kid ate the paper.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 39 points 1 week ago
[–] Hello_Kitty_enjoyer@hexbear.net 33 points 1 week ago (11 children)

How do we even know the CEO's dead? Or that the killer even exists?

I find it more likely that the story is fake

Imagine being 4 days in and still not being able to find someone's killer using the biggest police dept in the world, larger than most countries' armies, inside of a tiny city with 20 CCTV cameras on every block

And imagine having a $10,000 info reward for someone whose net worth is $50,000,000 .

either the killer doesn't exist, or the NYPD is refusing to find him because he was killed by capital

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 48 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have a better theory: Pigs are incompetent

[–] Hello_Kitty_enjoyer@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

they're only incompetent when they want to be

if they want to be incompetent here it's because someone else rich is benefitting them

anyway, good riddance but yea

[–] underisk@hexbear.net 32 points 1 week ago (2 children)

They’re competent at one thing, and it isn’t “finding criminals”.

[–] Hello_Kitty_enjoyer@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago

they're competent at being racist and serving capital

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yeah. I remember reading the statistics for cases "solved", and there is a huge gap between crimes against "property", and crimes against "people". The police force has much more know-how dealing with theft and other kinds of similar crimes than they do with murder, assault, SA, and so on.

[–] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I found it really surprising when i heard how low the number of solved murder cases in the US is. Apparently it's something around 20%. Over here, it's in the 70-80% ballpark.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

And even then, the % is not such a good metric to look at. Japan has a nearly 100% conviction rate for murder , but it's because they'll just accuse whoever and once you've been charged you're as good as convicted.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago

reminds me of this case where a Japanese hacker hijacked people's computers to make death threats and the police coerced confessions out of four of them

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-31129817

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Conspiracy theory: the CEO's body just did that and the "shooter" was pointing at him in shock.

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The CEO had pre-existing conditions, his body just did that

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

Considering the first bullet didn't kill him, I would say he had a pre-existing condition by the time the third one did him in

[–] Wheaties@hexbear.net 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What would other capitalists have to gain from killing this guy?

[–] Hello_Kitty_enjoyer@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

What would other capitalists have to gain from killing this guy?

any number of things. Rich kill rich all the time. Any video can be faked now.

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[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 33 points 1 week ago
[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 31 points 1 week ago
[–] Homer_Simpson@hexbear.net 30 points 1 week ago

I want to think someone with the same expensive backpack put it there as a joke.

[–] geese_feces@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

maybe he got the monopoly as a used version from like a thrift store and put it in so there'd be more dna

OMG what is this star wipe? MSNBC has been infiltrated by commie RuZZian influence!!!

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