Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Children of Time is a 2015 science fiction novel by Adrian Tchaikovsky.
In the distant future, humanity seeks to create new habitats for itself on distant planets, terraforming them and seeding them with life. Dr. Avrana Kern is heading one such project, orbiting the tentatively named "Kern's World", where the plan is to release monkeys 
infected with a nanovirus that will accelerate their evolution. Through an act of sabotage from an anti-technology group that has also destroyed much of Earth, the monkeys are never released, and the virus instead infects a species of spider, Portia labiata. The book follows the evolution of the spiders and their eventual civilisation, as well as a remnant of humanity that fled to Kern's World hoping to find paradise.
also children of ruin and children of memory, the sequels, are really good
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So it turns out my sperm is totally poggers. I think I'm just gonna have to do the whole thing including the extra legwork to get FDA clearance in case it needs to be used with a surrogate. It'll cost like 1k up front and then "no more than 400/yr" for storage
I just hate hate hate hate taking options away from myself, there is no worse feeling for me than realizing I can't do or have something because of a stupid decision I made in the past
I'm so glad I started growing my hair out when I did
"I just really like longer hair on guys and really want to try it myself" -my egg ass (to be fair I do still think guys with long hair look real nice)
Now I keep looking at it and it's sooooo weird to think I ever had shorter hair
God, growing out my hair was such a struggle. I must have tried like 4 times before it stuck. It would get to a length where it felt really unmanageable and I would have a panic attack and shave it all off again.
I'm so glad I stuck with it this time
Vibe! I still mostly date in homomasculine spaces but always look out the fairyish/elvish looking guys with long hair lol.
secretly kind of hoping that Donald Trump will be too busy thining about invading Greenland and/or Canada that he'll be too busy to do anything terrible for trans people
Fingers crossed, and hopefully Canada will be too busy thinking of Trump's impending invasion for the next likely PM (Poilievre) to do the same as well.
i've got my fingers crossed that it'll somehow end up with some kind of a switcheroo and canada ends up annexing the us, and then at least there's health care probably.
Does it make sense that I'm kind of hoping I've actually been infertile all along? Then I wouldn't have to be responsible about fertility preservation. It would just be a fact of life and nothing anyone can blame me for
That makes total sense to me. It basically absolves you from making a major decision
John Lennon if he was amerikkkan: imagine a burger
is he britainish?
CW: Depression, dysphoria
I have been so godsdamned depressed the last few days that is stemming from some extreme dysphoria that I've been feeling with. And yes, regardless of after having had top and bottom surgery, I am capable of becoming dysphoric. I don't feel genuine. I feel fake. Without having had those experiences I missed on growing up, I feel that I will always be on the outside looking in regardless of what I do. I always see these ciswomen whose experiences I could never emulate and it just kills me on the inside. Yay. I have a vagina, I have breasts, but I'll never have those experiences. It depresses the hell out of me and it is draining the will to live out of me. I hate it so much. Couple that with feeling of not being capable of fitting in with any trans communities for a multitude of reasons. Further couple that with the crushing depression that's on and off since my divorce and I just fucking hate life right now. yay
My parents and immediate family keep asking me "when are you bringing home a girlfriend?" every time I visit and I have no idea how to tell them that sooner or latter the "girlfriend" that will come home might just be me.
My family keeps bringing it up too after my younger sister got engaged. Why do they do this honestly.
Lol nobody asks me about any dating stuff ever after I came out. I think they just don't wanna touch it lol like they don't even know what to ask
Feudal societies placed great emphasis on family lines and inheritance (moreso than capitalist ones at least). Culturally speaking, this is kind of a leftover from that time, the same way people often admire or idolise various kings (even if they tell you that they oppose monarchy).
In my case, this feudal system of mariage existed literally just 1 generation ago (my parents were the first in my whole family to not have an arranged marriage). My parents have literally already spent their entire life savings on my education. Their retirement plan is for me to take care of them while they spend as little money as possible (outside of their pension) so that my inheritance is maximized.
Really hoping I pass enough for my sisterβs wedding 
New year (and more specifically I returned home from visiting fam) and... I guess I gotta live again, and by that I mean do productive things (not that visiting fam was bad- it was wonderful, helped my mom cook a lot and just connected with siblings idk) and get my life on track as well as to a point where I could actually have some sort of notion of self worth.
I guess tomorrow and onwards will be the turning point (or it won't, but it has to be). I guess today wasn't so bad either in terms of doing some things for myself. Ought to leverage my siblings (sis could also use help really) for assistance in keeping up motivation (or having any) I guess.
Today I had a weird dream, I basically almost never dream (or at least don't remember them) but in this dream let's just say I looked somewhat different in the mirror and wasn't dysphoric and was going 
even in the dream. Sucks to have to wake up from that tbh, optimistic ish but don't trust myself to see it through properly. 
I guess I also just have severe issues of self-doubt and self-sabotage historically, been thinking of that lately (well always)
I.. I dunno, compared to previous times I'm more defeated, not running on fumes and hot air as much as before and more.. wise(?) I guess, while trying to pick myself up. But I know myself and tbh the honest truth is I just kinda have a really messed up (limbic system, lack of self worth and motivation, learned helplessness etc). How am I supposed to trust that?
internalized transphobia
Every time I go outside and see a cis woman my age I become jealous and sad. I feel so inferior to them. They're born with the right body, while I have to spend a huge amount of time, effort and money in order to change mine. I have to be on HRT for the rest of my life, do voice training and go through several major surgeries, and even then there's no guarantee that cis people will perceive me as a woman.
And will I ever feel like a real woman? Even if I reach the point where I fully pass, that won't change the fact that I've spent several decades living as the wrong gender, and that I'll never have periods or the ability to give birth 
mood
While feelings of inferiority to cis women passed quickly for me, the sense that I've lost something I can't get back by not having the right childhood or adolesence definitely lingers, and the lack of those "universal" experiences of womanhood sometimes makes me feel like there's this huge gulf between me and the people around me. (even though i logically know they're not universal even among cis women)
I try to cope with the otherness of it by thinking about how stuff like this affects a ton of people. A lot of people lose the opportunity have a "normal" adolesence for all sorts of different reasons, we as trans people aren't alone in this. Tons of cis people aren't able to have babies and don't function "right" biologically. And while I don't think it will ever not hurt it doesn't have to define us.
mood
Blahaj (bootleg) acquired.
I LOVE THIS BOOK
I LOVE THIS BOOK
I LOVE THIS BOOK
I WANT LARGE SENTIENT SPIDER BUDDIES
IT'S SUCH A CUTE BOOK AND IT'S SO WHOLESOME
Got some neat stuff thrifting
Kinda wish I could post pics because some of the clothes are really cute imo and I actually found stuff that (mostly) fit me
Found some nice gym stuff too, got a pair of fancy tech wear sweatpants that make my legs and 
look good 
Got some cute plushies my cats have been enjoying too and a street hockey stick for playing cat hockey in the house and that's been fun
Bless whatever tall/large femme donated the shiny windbreaker and hoodie with the faux fur hood lining and sleeve cuffs, think it might be my favorite dysphoria hoodie now despite it being a little short on the torso and sleeves
Might hem it to a crop top or elbow length sleeves and wear it as a summer night kinda layer later but it's really cute imo in a "sporty goth (queer)" kinda way and I'm kinda in love with it
I try to dress well no matter what I do, (I have low self-confidence, but knowing I look the best I can do helps a ton) but the last couple of days have been so cold that shapeless bundle of cloth have been the only viable option. I hate winter 
All this time putting nail polish on you'd think I be good at it, nah just slather on a base coat the polish the top. The polish on my skins falls off day after and it looks like I know what I'm doing 
there's something primal about tinkering with electronics that keeps me working in embedded software even though I've grown to dislike low level programming
Musicals have been associated with queer culture for a long time, but I don't feel that they really hold that much space in trans communities? I've seen people here talk about musicals but no more or less than non-queer folks.
Is this right? Like, I feel like our cultural touchstones are pretty different.
I think musicals are mostly associated with a pre-trans/proto-trans homomasculine feminity. The type of queenery that was the expression for trans womanhood without the framework to understand itself fully or the acceptance to be fully embodied. Now, I think it's mostly historical inertia.
---like think about Peaches from 'Stone Butch Blues' who the narrator refers to as a 'drag queen' who we would now obviously understand as a trans woman. Theater, drag, and musicals especially were a space where more expansive gender expression were possible and consequently took up a lot of gay cultural focus.
I've been touching obscene amounts of grass lately and have been neglecting what's most important in life - posting in the trans mega