Amerikkkans ... may finally be pushed to action
this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse
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No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
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Nah bring back Victorian style capitalism. Coffee is now 5% actual coffee and the rest is laced with dirt and my farts, maybe some anthrax for fun
Why else would they be trying so hard to remove safety regulations and standards 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Life was better when jewlery made me spontaneously combust. Bread hasn't been the same since they stopped putting plaster in it
They're called adulturants because it's food for grown ups now stop being a baby and eat your sawdust loaf.
If you're buying like Folger's you're already getting a bunch of sticks and whatnot in your coffee.
if you look closely at the label it just says "powdered brown product". are the sticks brown? well okay then.
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I've been saying IRL that Trump is gonna bring back lead and asbestos to save the American economy.
I mean, he literally thinks the laws against asbestos are a mafia conspiracy.
My president 
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farts
Are you an Asian palm civet? Because there will be tariffs on you, too.
Fuck
I love this website
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This is the end result of Mormons accounting for like half of the FBI/CIA. Non-caffeinated patriots are in control.
300 years in the future
History teacher: "and that is what kicked off what we call the Coffee Rebellion in what was then the United States."
Me, the espresso enjoyer 
Coffee is already in a tenuous position due to climate change and its effect on suitable grow zones. Tariffs are just the cherry on top.
Are you ready for ze decaffeinated world order
No 
They're just going to switch to caffeinated soda. In your heart you know this to be true. 
DRINK 1776 ENERGY! FILLED WITH 100mg OF PATRIOT CAFFEINE! COFFEE IS FOR COMMIES! MADE IN THE GOOD OL US OF A!! GOD’S COUNTRY!
Real victory gin hours coming
They already took away our Russian Vodka. 
My vodka had a frosted kick ass soviet asthetic and made with Russian winter wheat. It was the best and 
whipped up a Red Scare and took it from me!
American victory gin will be called Bald Eagle Freedom Bourbon. It will have American flags, tanks and AR-15'S on the label. It will be laced with caffeine and dextrose and contain enough high fructose corn syrup to legally be a form of molasses. It will advertised as being a source of protein. For inexplicable reasons it will have a petrol-like aftertaste. Chuds will chug it to trigger the libs and you will be allowed to drink it at work because workplace alcohol policies has been declared "woke DEI".
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Americans will just switch to Celsius or whatever energy drinks. They won't do shit about losing treats aside from complain and pray for Kamala to bring them back in a few years
The caffeine in energy drinks I think comes from the decaffeination process for decaf coffee
lt comes from guarana, but either way it is processed somewhere else and incredibly cheap to produce and ship in this form. Not like fresh, heavy beans
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Those will also increase in price with tariffs on countries that supply aluminum and the ingredients to make that slop
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Black Rifle Coffee will be exempt from the tariffs
The only black life that matters
sounds like a great place to hang out once we run out of tesla dealerships.
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no trust me. the highly productive Kona region will supply the entire American market now that they don't have to compete with those inferior imports
That's not fair, there's also Puerto Rico and whatever the fuck Jason Mraz is doing in Santa Barbara.
Never underestimate the burgerreich's ability to avoid doing anything that's mildly inconvenient 
Engineers run on coffee.
CHUDs run on Beer.
No coffee. No water. 
No water. No beer. 
They'll drink those coffee alternatives people in the civil war drank with caffeine tablets mixed in
Nothing like a hot cup of chicory in the morning while smoking a cheroot.
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No you guise, you don't understand!
This is gonna make prices lower somehow because The Communists (Jeff Bezos, Mike Walmart) will accept lower profits and then all the other Bad Countries will come groveling for the Best Trade Deals Ever!
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January 6th, but at Dunkin HQ
So this is how the coffee party was formed
Well now that nintendos have been delayed there may be a chance of guillotines hitting the streets
For commodity coffee a random 30% increase is just a Tuesday. The C price has almost quadrupled in the past 5 years and fluctuates wildly. It jumped 30% from December to February and is down 15% from a month ago.
Where the tariffs will really increase prices is any roasteries that are actually paying ethical prices based on cost of production to begin with. The chuds that would revolt already aren't going to those shops.
The beans I usually buy in bulk from a local roaster have gone up 25% in the last couple years for me. And I purposefully bought the cheaper ones. It sucks lmao
Calling it now: Tarriffs aren't gonna happen because nothing ever happens.
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