this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2023
179 points (100.0% liked)

chapotraphouse

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[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 44 points 1 year ago

A group of adventurers infiltrated his dungeon and slew him, but he will reform from his phylactery in 1d8 days

[–] supafuzz@hexbear.net 38 points 1 year ago

sicko-yes die you miserable old piece of shit

[–] SomeRedDude@hexbear.net 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Critical support for the injury.

[–] Odo@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

Dare I say UNcritical support for the injury, that injury is my comrade.

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

hope it takes like 3 brutal weeks to kill him, if he dies without suffering I will be furious

Death to America

[–] on8wingedangel@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

🎶 Baby, all I want for Christmas 🎶

[–] MF_COOM@hexbear.net 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] NewAcctWhoDis@hexbear.net 21 points 1 year ago

First available dates I could find are September 2030.

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 30 points 1 year ago
[–] Collatz_problem@hexbear.net 28 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

He will sit at the Golden Throne and a thousand souls would be sacrificed every day to keep him alive.

[–] NoEyed@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

Henry Kissinger was trying to create his own Webway but suffered an injury when his psychic shield was broken by Magnus the Red.

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[–] Monsieur_bleu@hexbear.net 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

no, not now, I can't savour it in the middle of palestenian genocide

[–] ProfessorAdonisCnut@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

finger curls on the monkey's paw

[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 27 points 1 year ago

Reginald DesRoaches

Lol lmao, this isn't a real name

[–] beautiful_boater@hexbear.net 25 points 1 year ago

Update 03/11/23 - A confidential source disclosed that the injury was due to the cultist removing his heart during the ritual to Mammon was sloppy in cutting open his rib cage. But Kissenger has been successfully changed into a lich and is expected to make a full recovery.

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Sadly we all know when it finally happens the news will refer to him as "Nobel peace prize winner, Henry Kissinger" and talk about his hard work at peace activism; and you know what? When we're all cheering from the rooftops and flying banners of many different countries he ruined, libs will be telling us to show respect for the dead, regardless of political disagreements

[–] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

Sure, but will you let that lessen your enjoyment? Will it actually make you respect the dead? I will be in a good enough mood to withstand quite a lot of liberal handwringing, considering that we are talking about when Henry Kissinger is finally actually dead.

[–] Egon@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

On the other hand even John Oliver has called for his death

Kissenger is the only one of us who will live to see world communism

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hexbear wouldn’t load for a second there, I assumed that meant the fucker’d finally croaked

[–] HumanBehaviorByBjork@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

lying about that is still a bannable offense i think

[–] nohaybanda@hexbear.net 15 points 1 year ago

As it should be

angery

[–] TheGamingLuddite@hexbear.net 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What kind of Dickensian ass name is Reginald DesRoaches

[–] chris_pringle@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago

he's haitian

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 19 points 1 year ago

inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah inshallah fucking inshallah

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Injury

Doesn't make me too hopeful, old fuck probably just fell in the shower or something, sadly.

[–] da_gay_pussy_eatah@hexbear.net 47 points 1 year ago

the fucker is 100 years old, a fall in the shower has like a 98% fatality rate.

[–] gruf@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

fucking please let this be it. we need this win

[–] polskilumalo@lemmygrad.ml 27 points 1 year ago

It isn't really a win. The fucker's done his crimes and now gets to die peacefuly, his death won't give me happiness but it will give some closure.

I hope that fucking injury makes him suffer.

[–] pooh@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

So if and when he finally goes down, what's going to be the official themesong of him dying?

[–] the_kid@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

this guy's gonna live to like 120, I can just see it

[–] SomeRedDude@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe god is forcing him to be alive so he can witness second soviet union.

Then he will die

[–] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 1 year ago

yeah my first thought was he’s like tom hanks in the green mile and he’s being punished by god with unnaturally long life. he has to see all his evil works undone before he’s allowed to enter hell

[–] MerryChristmas@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

It's been a rough week. We all need this right now.

[–] Juiceyb@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

Henry Kissinger dyes... his hair.

The only downside of this, we can't be there to personally wispier taunts about his immortal soul hanging by a mere thread before he plunges into eternal hellfire... And there's nothing he can do about it, the great equalizer of death will take him sooner or later. And if there is no hell today, there will be one created the day that he dies, because whatever you believe sparked this plane of existence into being cannot bare his sins going unpunished.

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago
[–] Rom@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

Ready the crabs

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago
[–] Des@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

please...i'm begging you.. just die already inshallah

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

I think he might be reinforced for a little longer, with how many innocents are being killed at the moment. Fingers crossed?

[–] Wertheimer@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)

This is near Dan Crenshaw's district, which may be a clue as to how Kissinger injured himself.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

hexbear-logo deep-infiltration agent Crenshaw.

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

The two of them had a tense sniper battle in the jungle while he wore a photosynthetic ghillie suit?

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